


Number Neighborhood

by Depressed_Anon



Category: mcyt
Genre: Addiction, Dream doesn't want to show his face, Drug Addiction, F/F, F/M, George works at a cafe, I'm so bored so here we go, Just texting, Literally just projecting, M/M, Might try and actually keep this one up, Other characters come later on, Pls just take this and run, Schlatt and Quackity are neighbours, Tubbo is trans, Underage Drinking, but then not, dreamnotfound, fundy and tubbo helping each other out with dysphoria, fundy is trans, groupchat, no beta we die like fundy eating peanut butter cups, short first chapter, they don't know each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:42:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 24,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28003317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Depressed_Anon/pseuds/Depressed_Anon
Summary: Dream- i’ll literally bark at youGeorge- fucking e x c u s e me?!Dream- you heard meSapnap- BARKBARKBARKBARKKarl- BARKBARK GROWL WOOF WOOF WOOF(OR)Sapnap decides to hop on a trend that happened in like, 2018, and makes a group chat of number neighbours. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound, Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, More soon lmao, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 1630
Kudos: 5393





	1. George- This literally is from 2 years ago

**Author's Note:**

> For help-  
> 001- Fundy  
> 002- Schlatt  
> 003- Tubbo  
> 004- Sap  
> 005- Dream  
> 006- Skeppy  
> 007- Karl  
> 008- George  
> 009- Bad  
> 010- Quackity

_(321-***-004 has created a groupchat)_  
_(321-***-004 has named the groupchat- ‘Number Neighbours’)_

321-***-002- Oh

321-***-007- what is this

321-***-004- hello my number neighbours!

321-***-006- Oh! It’s a twitter thing

321-***-006- but arent you only supposed to text one or two?

321-***-004- thats boring i want the WHOLE damn street

George- This literally is from 2 years ago

321-***-003- Wow hi guys!

321-***-002- Do I know you people?

321-***-005- I dont think so

321-***-004- not if you dont have our #s saved

George- am i the only one not enjoying this?

321-***-004- but why?? ;(

321-***-004- oh yeah btw can I get ur names to save to my contacts

321-***-010- SCHLATT?

321-***-002- Oh, hey, Quackity

George- I think I’m going to leave

321-***-004- NO

George- I HATE THIS

321-***-004- NAMES, NOW. MY NAME IS NICK BUT YOU GUYS CAN CALL ME SAPNAP.

321-***-007- I’m Karl

321-***-003- I’m Toby but pls call me Tubbo, I feel uncofortable when people who are't from my family call me my reel name

Tubbo- also sorry if i spell kinda bad :(( dyslexia

Karl- You’re so valid Tubbo

Tubbo- :0 <3

321-***-010- I’m Alex but my friend’s call me Quackity

321-***-002- You’re a fucking idiot

321-***-002- I’m Schlatt

Quackity- Fuck you Schlatt at least I’ve got a fat ass

Schlatt- Literally suck my dick

321-***-005- Just call me Dream

George- Is that your real name?

Dream- No, just don’t feel like sharing it

George- okay lmao

321-***-006- I’m Zak but just call me Skeppy if we’re doing nicknames

Sapnap- 008?

George- I’m George

Sapnap- we’re missing two

321-***-009- Sorry!! I didn’t know how to join in, just call me Bad :))

Karl- where is 001

George- They probably left. I wish I made that choice.

Dream- This could be fun!!

George- Shut up

Sapnap- We’ve got a feisty one on our hands

George- SHUT UPP

Karl- What the honk

George- I hate it here already

Tubbo- George!! Itll be ok :))

George- You’re the only valid person here

Tubbo- :000

Sapnap- rude, george. I thought we had something.

George- Literally never speak to me

Skeppy- *lucid dreams plays*

Quackity- me perdonas

Dream- I don’t speak Japanese

George- You’re a fucking idiot??


	2. Quackity- Think I just saw Ninja Fortnite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quackity- Update, in a drug alley
> 
> Quackity- Think I just saw Ninja Fortnite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScDjLMsc0_2FtfyzwGuReNAnQ6rfd9HSsxvXr84MpntwJIN3w/viewform?usp=sf_link
> 
> VOTE YELLOWWWWWWWW

Karl- ugh i hate this when will school start quickening away

George- ‘quickening away’

Dream- like, middle school?

Karl- do-

Karl- do I give off middle schooler vibes?

Dream- no no! I just automatically assume I’m older than everyone ig

Karl- I’m in uni rn

Sapnap- same here

Schlatt- me too

George- Same

Skeppy- taking a gap year rn

Dream- ^^^^

Bad- I’m in uni as well!!

Tubbo- :((((( i’m still in highschool

Quackity- Same smh

Sapnap- aw, we got a couple of youngins in the group!!

Tubbo- I’ll kill you

Bad- 0-0

Tubbo- JKFM THAT WASNT ME IM SOS ORRY THAT WAS MY FRIED TOMMY HE TOOK MY PHONE DD:

Sapnap- It’s okay

Dream- Tell Tommy to eat my socks

Tubbo- he said ‘tell that adult man the queen hates him and he’s old’

Dream- nice

Schlatt- I’m literally going to flip a fucking table

George- ???

Quackity- He got bronze in cooking mama

Schlatt- IM GOING TO FUCKING SHOOT SOMEONE

Quackity- HE GRBABED AN ACTUAL GUN

Quackity- Oh thank god he’s pointing it at Ted, I’m safe

Schlatt- not for long

Quackity- … 

Quackity- Brb

Sapnap- ANYWAY

Sapnap- How did y’all sleep?

Karl- I survive off of monsters, i never sleep

Dream- I slept pretty good

George- Literally just woke up

Tubbo- it’s 4 pm

George- Don’t sleep shame me

Sapnap- i woke up and popped a perky

Karl- :0 are you starting up?

Sapnap- HELL FUCKING YEAH I AM

Karl- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Bad- Language!

Skeppy- ended up talking to Bad for a few hours tbh

Bad- we played minecraft together :))

Dream- Y’all play minecraft?

Sapnap- :0 gamers?

George- I play when I have time

Dream- I play no matter what I have to do

Tubbo- Mood

Schlatt- Hey guys, remember, gamer’s don’t have rights

Skeppy- I didnt have rights to begin with

Karl- playing roblox let’s get it, minecraft is bad we get it

Sapnap- HE’S POPPING OFF

Karl- YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Quackity- Update, in a drug alley

Quackity- Think I just saw Ninja Fortnite

Tubbo- Ninja Fortnite :0000

Quackity- Yeah should I offer him coco beans

George- Why??

Quackity- It’s all i have to my name currently

Skeppy- do it no balls

Quackity- im doing it

Bad- Be careful 0-0

Quackity- literally I won’t be careful

George- you’re a hazard to society

Quackity- I’ll smooch you

George- … 

George- I hate it here


	3. George- Dream literally has aids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quackity- just got kicked out of walmart
> 
> Karl- ????
> 
> Quackity- toilet paper gone
> 
> Schlatt- Not even going to question it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i will update consistently i do not have a life okay

Dream- It’s 4:20 am

Sapnap- why do you think I’m high?

Karl- Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sapnap- ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Schlatt- Q

Quackity- what do you want

Schlatt- Go to the store for me

Quackity- I’m not fucking

Quackity- why??

Schlatt- I just broke my keyboard again

Quackity- oh so that WAS you screaming

Quackity- Are any stores even open?

Skeppy- walmart 24 hours babyyyy

Quackity- sounds good, schlatt you owe me

Schlatt- I’m 90k in debt but thanks honey peaches

Quackity- baby girl

Bad- Shouldn’t you all be asleep?

Dream- You’re literally awake

Bad- Working on a code for class!!

George- Oh, I love coding

Tubbo- smae

Tubbo- why are you all up any ways?

Sapnap- youll find out when you get to college little man

Tubbo- its tusday night are u people okay?

Quackity- literally no

George- I have to be up in half an hour anyway, i have work

Tubbo- I’m gona sleep, Tommy will be so updet if im late again

Dream- Tubbo!! Do me a favour!!

Tubbo- ???

Dream- When you see Tommy, tell him to eat my socks

Tubbo- okay!! :DD

Schlatt- wtf

Tubbo- ?

Schlatt- stop that

Tubbo- wat did i do??

Schlatt- keep being baby and ill kidnap you buddy

Tubbo- AH

Tubbo- night everyone!! pls try and get some sleep <3

Karl- When you drink monsters you don’t need to sleep

Sapnap- ayeeeeeeeeeeeee

Karl- Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Quackity- karlos

Karl- Oooh spicy

Quackity- should I buy alcohol

Karl- You’re?? Underage???

Quackity- schlatt makes fake IDs and sells them

Schlatt- it’s called making a profit

George- that’s literally illegal

Schlatt- i’m making a profit

George- … okay

Dream- Speedrunning minecraft 

Bad- Ooo!! Let us know the time it took :))

Dream- Will do

George- Dream literally has aids

Dream- WHAT DID I EVEN DO

George- Idk you just like

George- Have aids

Dream- I B R E A T H E D 

Sapnap- sounds like something someone with aids would say

Dream- YALL ARE FUCKING RUDE

Quackity- just got kicked out of walmart

Karl- ????

Quackity- toilet paper gone

Schlatt- Not even going to question it

Schlatt- Did you get my keyboard?

Quackity- Si

Schlatt- thanks guapito

Dream- literally stop speaking german

George- I’m going to fucking punch you

Sapnap- night y’all!

Karl- good night handsome

Sapnap- … 

Sapnap- wanna get married?

Karl- down

Sapnap- cool

Karl- fuck yeah

Karl- I have a fiance now


	4. Dream- i’ll literally bark at you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quackity- Just had a dream someone stole my socks and framed me for murder using the DNA on them
> 
> 321-***-001- Strange, I just had a dream I stole someone’s socks
> 
> Quackity- W AHT THE FUCJK

Tubbo- Dream, tommy said he dislikes you very much 

Dream- LMAO

Dream- Also my time was 19 minutes 31 seconds

George- wh  


George- How?

Dream- I’m a gamer, what can I say?

Schlatt- officers, he’s right here

Schlatt- revoke his rights

Bad- That’s awesome, Dream!! I bet you could beat a record if you tried!!

Dream- Eh I get lazy

George- how fucking

George- you beat the game in nineteen fucking minutes and you’re calling yourself lazy?!

Dream- I could do better

George- I’m gonna throw hands hold me back

Sapnap- i dont know if you are. You give off tiny vibes

George- I WILLL JFKMEKJFW

George- I’m AVERAGE HEIGHT

Schlatt- I think quackity’s skipping class to sleep

Skeppy- mood

Skeppy- jk

Skeppy- gap year tingz

Bad- What do you do during a gap year anyway?

Skeppy- party party party

Skeppy- alchyholllllll

Skeppy- attacking my friends

Bad- 0-0

Bad- Holy muffins

Karl- muffins?

Bad- I don’t like swears

Karl- Felt that

Karl- Like I’ll actively say fuck but honk sounds way better

Bad- Language!!! 

Sapnap- ohh so no swears fully

Bad- >:(((

Sapnap- FUCKING SHIT ASS FUCKBALLS HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bad- LANGUAGE!!!

Dream- jesus

Skeppy- what? I think it’s endearing 

Bad- thank you :DD

Tubbo- hngh classsssssssssssssss

George- god, you’re gonna love college

Tubbo- UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tubbo- I HAEV TO DO A PRESNETATION

Schlatt- You’ll do fine, don’t sweat it

Tubbo- My partner is super sweet tho so she well help!!

Tubbo- her name is niki and she’s perfect, i want her to be my older sister

Dream- See! You’ll do great, man, don’t worry

Tubbo- thank you!! It meens a lot :)) see you guys soon!

Sapnap- GO TUBBO YOU GOT THIS SHIT

Bad- Language!! But good luck Tubbo :))

Karl- Literally i miss my friends

Sapnap- oh so we aren’t your friends, okay mr. fiance

Karl- I didn’t mean that!! I just miss a few, I haven’t been able to see them often. One of them is getting married soon so we get to finally meet up again when I fly down for the wedding

Sapnap- Oh??

Karl- Yeah, his name’s Chris. I used to live in North Carolina but came down here for college

Dream- oh shit

Dream- I forgot we’re all in florida

George- dumbass, look at the area codes

Dream- i’ll literally bark at you

George- fucking e x c u s e me?!

Dream- you heard me

Sapnap- BARKBARKBARKBARK

Karl- BARKBARK GROWL WOOF WOOF WOOF

Sapnap- I’m so attracted to you right now

Karl- Lowkey would make out behind a dumpster with you

Sapnap- Is that an offer?

Karl- ;))

Dream- ON THE POINT OF Y’ALL MAKING OUT

Dream- Important discussion, are any of you homophobic- if so, get out?

George- No wtf

George- I’m literally gay

Sapnap- I love it when he says ‘literally’ in every text, it gives him such personality

Sapnap- and no, I’m kinda bi-curious right now actually

Bad- Never!! People love who they love :DD I’m pansexual!!

Dream- Same

Karl- Bisexual and demisexual!!

Schlatt- i dont fuckin know what I am, but fuck who you want y’know??

Skeppy- yeah, sex anyone up, i dont give a shit

Skeppy- I’m bisexual

Dream- wow, we really are out ruling the straights

Tubbo- That’s pogchamp, I love lesbians

George- ??? tubbo?

Tubbo- It’s Tommy currently. Tubbo is getting shaky so he asked me to take the phone. He wanted to mention that he doesn’t know what he identifies as sexuality wise yet, but he’s very accepting

Tubbo- I, on the other hand, get women constantly

Dream- I find that hard to believe

Tubbo- FUCK YOU

Bad- LANGUAGE!!

Schlatt- is the kid okay?

Tubbo- He’s fine, ADHD things

Dream- felt that hard

Dream- tell him to take his time 

Tubbo- Will do

Tubbo- How did you guys even end up stealing my best friend? He’s smiling at his phone constantly it’s fuckin’ rude

Sapnap- We’re number neighbours!!

Tubbo- … wasn’t that a trend like, two years ago?

George- That’s what I said

Tubbo- And aren’t you supposed to text like, two?

Skeppy- that’s what i said

Sapnap- I wanted a whole neighbourhood

Tubbo- Oh, gotcha

Tubbo- Well, Big T wants his phone back, he’s doing better

Tubbo- Remember, fuck you all and never hurt him or you’re dead meat

Schlatt- just got threatened by a twelve year old

Tubbo- acctualy we’re 17!!

Dream- Welcome back, Tubbo

Quackity- Just had a dream someone stole my socks and framed me for murder using the DNA on them

321-***-001- Strange, I just had a dream I stole someone’s socks

Quackity- W AHT THE FUCJK


	5. Schlatt- i think i’m getting arrested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schlatt- i think i’m getting arrested
> 
> Quackity- w h a t
> 
> Schlatt- the police are here
> 
> Schlatt- there’s a gun in my back pocket
> 
> Schlatt- this is worse than what happened in the 90’s

321-***-001- Hi

Sapnap- YOU’RE ACTUALLY ALIVE?!

321-***-001- I guess

Dream- I-

Dream- where the fuck have you been

321-***-001- Honestly, I was scared you were all fucking psychos or murderers

321-***-001- Found out you were one of the two

George- not all of us

321-***-001- That’s true

321-***-001- Tubbo seems chill

Tubbo- :DDD

321-***-001- His friend Tommy on the other hand seems like a crackhead

Tubbo- he said ‘DRUGS POG’

Sapnap- AGREED AGREED

Karl- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dream- Jesus fucking

Bad- Language!!

Skeppy- it’s nice to meet you, mr. unknown

321-***-001- just call me Fundy

Schlatt- Quackity’s fucking panicking in pm’s because of you

Schlatt- not sure if I love you or hate you yet

Fundy- You’ll find out soon enough, huh?

Dream- Oddly menacing

Dream- I like you

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

George- i fuckigjn

Sapnap- You good?

George- this CUTE FUCKING GUY WAS AT MY WORK TODAY IM SCREAMING

George- WILBUR HAD TO TAKE THE FUCKING ORDER BECAUSE I COULDNT SPEAK RIGHT

Tubbo- Wilbur?? Wilbur Simons??

George- HE PREFERS SOOT BUT YES

Tubbo- Oh! That’s Tommy’s brother!!

Skeppy- You manage to fit tommy into every conversation

Tubbo- He’s pogchamp!!

Sapnap- GEORGE HOW DID YOU NOT SHOOT YOUR SHOT

Dream- Probably cuz he’s in love with me

George- IDK AND SHUT THE FUCK UP DREAM YOU HAVE AIDS

Dream- WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING MEAN TO ME??

George- ANYWAY

George- I think if he comes in again I’ll try talking to him

George- He was so cute like you don’t understand

Quackity- not cuter than me I bet

Schlatt- have you ever taken that beanie off?

Quackity- I’ll fucking stab you

Schlatt- kinky

Bad- You all need to learn to be more pg >:(((((

Skeppy- I’d kill for you

Bad- Don’t do that!!!!

Skeppy- watch me

Bad- :0000

Sapnap- Fundy, how are you?

Fundy- Same bowl of soup, just reheated 

Quackity- That resonated with me

Fundy- Thanks I think

Dream- frfkm

George- ???

Dream- I JUST GOT WHIPPED IN THE FUCKING FACE

Sapnap- LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dream- THIS IS NOT FUNNY TECHNO’S A FUCKING BITCH

Tubbo- hey, thats tommys other brother!!

Schlatt- h o w

Schlatt- how is tommy everywhere?

Dream- IM GONNA COMMIT A FUCKING MURDER BRB

George- I despise you with every bone in my body

Dream- I would kiss you on the mouth in five seconds

Sapnap- dream wanna cuddle

Dream- down, let me beat a bitch first

Sapnap- fuck yea

Karl- are you cheating on me?

Sapnap- I would never

Sapnap- I wear socks when I’m with dream. When im with you, on the other hand…

Karl- ur so fucking handsome

Fundy- Have you even seen what he looks like?

Karl- have you?

Fundy- Good point

Sapnap- I’m so sexy

Karl- I bet u r

Quackity- take it to pm’s

Schlatt- i think i’m getting arrested

Quackity- w h a t

Schlatt- the police are here

Schlatt- there’s a gun in my back pocket

Schlatt- this is worse than what happened in the 90’s

George- wh- what happened in the 90’s?

Schlatt- that’s for me and god to know

Schlatt- oh they’re definitely arestijgnt

Bad- Oh no :000

Tubbo- mr schlatt?

Schlatt- q im goana need you to bail me out buddy

Quackity- I fucking

Quackity- I hate you

Fundy- I should have left when I had the chance.


	6. Dream- Are y’all done roleplaying?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl- hi, im karl jacobs, i want to be a cool kid but im scared nicotine will give me hemorrhoids. What do I do?
> 
> Sapnap- hi karl jacobs. thanks for the question. nicotine wont give you hemorrhoids, trust me. if anything, this long schlong up ur fat ass will. let me know if you have any other questions.

Tubbo- schlatt?

Quackity- i’m filling out the paperwork, he’ll be out soon

Skeppy- what the fuck even happened

Quackity- no fuckin clue

George- Well, I’ll take this as my time to sleep

Sapnap- It’s 6 pm

George- and?

Dream- Has anyone noticed like

Dream- George does this thing

Dream- Where he only wakes up for classes or work, but if he’s free he like

Dream- Wakes up at like the weirdest times and goes back to sleep an hour later

George- i-

Skeppy- dream, you’re paying a lot of attention to george’s sleeping schedule, huh?

Dream- It’s just something I’ve noticed!!!

George- This is so mean

George- I can’t bring myself to sleep anymore

Dream- I’m sorry!!

George- No, no, it’s fine

George- I’ll just sit here and indulge in crisps

Quackity- indulge in fucking w h a t

George- ??? crisps???

Sapnap- what the FUCK is a FUCKING ‘crisps’

Karl- nimrod

Tubbo- i forget americans say chips

Bad- Oh! You aren’t from America?

Tubbo- well, im british and im now guesing george is as well

George- yep

Skeppy- YOURE B R I T I S H?!

Skeppy- HOW MANY BRITISH PEOPLE DO I KNOW?!

Bad- ????

Skeppy- I’ll add you to the gc later :)

Bad- :DD

Tubbo- everyone i rlly talk to is british so i forget im in america sometimes

George- i talk to no one except Wilbur Soot. 

Dream- I mean, you talk to us

George- reluctantly

Fundy- It doesn’t surprise me much. I’m from the Netherlands.

Fundy- My best friend, Niki, is from Germany.

Tubbo- hey!! I know niki :DD she was the one who did the progect with me!

Karl- Does anyone wonder how Tubbo knows everyone?

Sapnap- he just does. It’s oddly scary

Tubbo- im sorry!!

Skeppy- never apologize for anything you funky little man

Skeppy- ur fucking superb

Bad- Language! >:(

Bad- But he’s correct, Tubbo, you’re perfect

Tubbo- Thank you guys, rlly <3

Sapnap- ^^^^^

Sapnap- yall know that feeling when your mom finds your juul?

George- you own a fucking JUUL?

Sapnap- what’s wrong with that?!

Dream- Don’t tell me your like

Dream- A chad

Sapnap- Of course not, just wanna be a cool kid

Karl- hi, im karl jacobs, i want to be a cool kid but im scared nicotine will give me hemorrhoids. What do I do?

Sapnap- hi karl jacobs. thanks for the question. nicotine wont give you hemorrhoids, trust me. if anything, this long schlong up ur fat ass will. let me know if you have any other questions.

Karl- hi sapnap, thanks for the quick response. I recently partook in an activity i shouldn’t have. I used an inhaler, am i going to die?

Sapnap- hey there karl. you won’t die, trust me. But i need to know if you have asthma to know if i’m able to go fucking rough, or if you’d need a soft fuck. let me know.

Karl- to sapnap. I do not have ass-tma. are you flirting with me? this activity was originally meant to stop me from nicotining, but now there is a spark

Sapnap- Karl, i thought i made it obvious. give me the juicy ass. you are so handsome and pretty. I would love to get the gluck gluck 9000 from you. let me know your thoughts

Dream- Are y’all done roleplaying?

Karl- Sapnap, i would sit on your face any day. you are the most handsome man ever to live, i would love to gluck glu

Karl- oops. sorry dre

Karl- am

George- DRE

Dream- NO

George- FUCKING DRE IM CHANGING UR CONTACT NAME

Dre- I didn’t ask for this

Schlatt- what’s up, fuckers?

Bad- Language!! Are you okay?

Schlatt- tax evasion happened, the usual. They didn’t find the gun. I’m too powerful.

Quackity- i just watched you trip on the curb

Schlatt- the bitch stuck his foot out

Tubbo- how does that

Schlatt- shhh

Tubbo- ok

Tubbo- wtf wiat

Skeppy- who hurt you? Who are we killing?

Tubbo- no one!! 

Fundy- I have a lot of knives to use if I must.

Quackity- you really scare me, you know that?

Fundy- Thank you.

Tubbo- its nothing bad

Tubbo- well, it is but not like, bad people

Bad- ???

Schlatt- just tell em ur uncle schlatt’s been to the slammer

Tubbo- its my 14 year old sister

Dream- oh god

Dream- i have one of those

Tubbo- i am so sorry

Dream- you get used to it

Bad- What did your sister do?

Tubbo- I’ve been gone for half a year and she decided to become an egirl

Schlatt- … i once knew an egirl…

Skeppy- Jesus

Karl- thats too much power for a child to have

Tubbo- i know, right?

George- Gone half a year?

George- Did you move out alone?

Tubbo- nono

Tubbo- some things happened, i wont get into them but uh, tommy’s dad took me in during some stuff and brought me to america with them

Dream- Ah

Dream- You’re happy here, right?

Tubbo- of course! I love it here

Tubbo- I wouldn’t have met you lot if I hadnt came here

Skeppy- MY HEART FJLWM,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmfao my discord is simqly.alex#6621 if yall wanna add me or whatever, i do need more mcyt mutuals so like


	7. George- THE FUCKER JUST SENT ME $4269

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George- the fucker is going to send me $4.20 im calling it
> 
> Dream- close
> 
> George- IDDID YOU JUST
> 
> Quackity- ???
> 
> George- THE FUCKER JUST SENT ME $4269
> 
> Sapnap- SIMP

Tubbo- guys???

Skeppy- WE’RE HERE WHAT’S WRONG WHO HURT YOU

Tubbo- A H

Tubbo- no one!!!

Tubbo- im just wondring what i should watch!!

Dream- Watch riverdale

George- that is literally the worst fucking show ever

Dream- I know. I watch it to pain myself.

George- are you okay?

Dream- I’m weird

Dream- I’m a weirdo

Karl- I don’t fit in- and I don’t wanna fit in

Quackity- have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on?

Skeppy- that’s WEIRD FREKLMCF

Fundy- Jughead kinnies.

Quackity- pls dont hurt me i am so frightened of you

Fundy- ;)

Quackity- are you flirting or are you threatening

Fundy- ;))))

Quackity- oh god oh fuck

Schlatt- Fundy, I mean it when I say i love you

Fundy- Thank you I think

Tubbo- so wat do I watch?

Skeppy- literally watch philza minecraft streams

Bad- Hey!! He’s one of the professors at the school :0

Tubbo- I cant watch him

Dream- Why? Do you need a twitch account? I’ll make you one brb

Tubbo- no!!

Tubbo- he’ll hear me watching him sksk

Quackity- … who will?

Tubbo- philza minecraft

Sapnap- Tubbo, you need to explain more man

Tubbo- oh, oops!

Tubbo- i am curently living with him :))

Karl- what the honk

Skeppy- h u h

Tubbo- hes tommys dad!

Schlatt- what the FUCK

Schlatt- I’m going to KILL TOMMY

Tubbo- AH NO-

Schlatt- THE SON OF A BITCH IS EVERYWHERE I CANT TAKE IT

Tubbo- IM SORRY

Skeppy- WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT APOLOGIZING?!

Tubbo- SORRY

Tubbo- W A I T

Karl- WHY ARE WE YELLING

Sapnap- IDK

Dream- STOP

Bad- 0-0

Karl- Drugs and men, y’know?

Sapnap- YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Karl- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Schlatt- 10 big, hot, men

George- Schlatt what happened to you?

Schlatt- … 10 big, hot, men

Quackity- wack

George- I am literally a material girl

Sapnap- LMAO WHAT

Skeppy- e x p l a i n 

George- want,,, sugar daddy.. need money

Bad- What’s that?

Tubbo- even ik what that is

Skeppy- Nobody say a damn thing

Dream- I’ll be your sugar daddy, George

George- no

Dream- No wait give me your paypal watch this

Dream- pm it to me

George- the fucker is going to send me $4.20 im calling it

Dream- close

George- IDDID YOU JUST

Quackity- ???

George- THE FUCKER JUST SENT ME $4269

Sapnap- SIMP

Karl- WHAT A LEGEND

Dream- Jimmy would be proud

Karl- JIMMY MR BEAST

Dream- You know him?

Karl- IM EMFIEMMFEI HOW DO YOU KNOW HIM HE’S IN HONKING NORTH CAROLINA- 

Dream- I BEAT HIM IN AMONG US ONE TIME FOR 10K

George- H U H

Dream- IT WAS A FRIENDLY BET

Karl- jimmy do be rich tho smh

Dream- He donates a lot to charity

Tubbo- is that why he gave you money?

Quackity- JFKRFNKER ROASTED

Dream- bitch you’re three shut ur god damn mouth

321-***-469- Pardon me?

Sapnap- WHO-

Tubbo- Oh!! Hey, tommy! I thought you were at ran’s? How did u get in the chat?

321-***-469- Unimportant 

321-***-469- Dream call tubbo a bitch again and ill end you

321-***-469- I’m the only one who gets to call him that

Tubbo- :DD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLSPLSPLS FOLLOW MY FRIEND ON TWITCH AND MAYBE WATCH SOME OF HIS STREAMS, I WANT TO GET HIM MORE AVERAGE VIEWERS SINCE HE IIS SUCH A HARD WORKER AND HE'S AMAZING AT STREAMING   
> https://www.twitch.tv/palpim


	8. Karl- IM DIXIE D’AMELIO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schlatt- I’ve never gamed in my entire life
> 
> Quackity- you play wii on a daily basis
> 
> Schlatt- The only valid thing to ever play

_(Private Chat)_

George- I can’t accept this money idiot, seriously

Dream- Idrc about it, George, literally keep it

George- No fucking way

George- Dream that’s nearly 5000 dollars

George- you got the joke across, you can take it back now, i wont tell them

Dream- Dumbass lmao

Dream- literally like go on a shopping spree or something

George- I’m going to kill you. I’m sending it back.

Dream- Fineeee but keep some at least for breakfast

George- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS 

Dream- I like to think it either makes you flustered or super angry

George- JFIRFERJMFEKRJFERJK

George- JUST TAKE YOUR FUCKING MONEY BACK

Dream- OKAY

_(Number Neighborhood)_

Tommy- Well, hello everybody

Tubbo- hi tommy!!

Tommy- Hello Tubbo!

Tubbo- how are you today, tommy?

Tommy- I am very swell, Tubbo. I spoke to lots of women.

Tubbo- :000 really?? That’s super cool!!

Tommy- I know, i’m the coolest, aren’t I?

Tubbo- you rlly are! :DD

Schlatt- Tommy

Tommy- Hello.

Schlatt- I dislike you.

Tommy- The feeling is quite mutual.

Schlatt- Yes.

Tommy- Yep.

Skeppy- well

Skeppy- am i the only one who thinks the groupchat name needs a changin’

Sapnap- on it

_(Sapnap has changed the chat name to ‘Minecraft Gay-mers’)_

Skeppy- Accurate

Schlatt- I’ve never gamed in my entire life

Quackity- you play wii on a daily basis

Schlatt- The only valid thing to ever play

Tubbo- but mc is fun :(((

Schlatt- You’re the only one valid enough to say that

Bad- Skeppy and I played Bedwars last night!

Skeppy- :)

Sapnap- waitwaitwait

Sapnap- does that mean you’ve heard his voice?

Bad- Mhm!!

Skeppy- Bad’s voice is adorable

Bad- Skeppy! 0///0

Sapnap- thats just

Sapnap- not fair

Sapnap- i am upset

Skeppy- mad cuz ur bad

Karl- I’ll call you anytime sap!

Sapnap- ;)

Karl- ;))

Dream- imagine flirting

Sapnap- you literally sent george 4000 dollars earlier

Sapnap- you’re what the locals call, a simp

Dream- I am not a simp, I never will be a simp

Dream- ANYWAY

Dream- If you guys would like, I’d be willing to set up a minecraft server for all of us if you have java edition

George- that’d actually be pretty cool 

Dream- Great! I actually already have one, a couple friends helped me build a community house and have their own places

Quackity- the fact that you have other friends than us

Fundy- I find it disgraceful too, Quackity.

Quackity- everyday since you’ve texted here I’ve wondered if i would prefer to make out with you or run away from you

Fundy- Pleasant thoughts, I see.

Quackity- dont hurt me please

Dream- they’re just some irl friends, Alyssa, Callahan, and Sam

Bad- Sam? Minecraft creeper skin?

Dream- Yes

Bad- He’s so nice!!

Dream- You know him?

Bad- I have a server, he helps with mechanics

Dream- Makes sense

Skeppy- so are we gonna make a server or

Dream- Oh, totally. I’ll get you guys whitelisted tomorrow, how does that sound?

Tubbo- this is so exiting! tommy, will you help me build a bee farm?

Tommy- If you help me find discs

Tubbo- yea!!!

Schlatt- so tommy’s staying here?

Tubbo- if that’s okay

Skeppy- you forget we’d do anything for you.

Bad- He’s right!!

Tubbo- aw ty guys

Tommy- Literally back off of my best friend

Tubbo- its ok! your always gonna be my best friend

Karl- I’m renegading 

Sapnap- karl no-

Karl- IM DIXIE D’AMELIO

Sapnap- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Quackity- day 314 of trying to get addison rae to notice me

Schlatt- it’ll never happen

Tommy- I’m in the mood for likes

Schlatt- it’ll never happen

Tommy- I literally hate you

Sapnap- uh oh spaghettio 

Dream- ???

Bad- Are you okay? :0

Sapnap- im great

Sapnap- fantastic

Karl- Sap, what happened?

Sapnap- I may or may not have challenged my calculus teacher in a fortnite 1v1

Fundy- … 

Karl- My fiance, everyone

Skeppy- why are you like this sapnap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally follow him on tiktok or I'll cry  
> Definitelynotpalpim2


	9. Sapnap- Going dark dont hmu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quackity lets out the loudest scream he’s ever let out, and that says a lot. Luckily, everyone around him is screaming, so no one turns to look at him until he stands up and whips around, gaining a few glances but nothing more. There’s a boy standing there, arms crossed and a slight grin pulling at his lips. He has orange hair, and a belt that very clearly has a knife strapped to it. 
> 
> Quackity looks him over one, twice, and then thrice before letting out a long breath.
> 
> _“Fucking Fundy.”_

Sapnap- We’ve decided to do our battle in the gym

Sapnap- We’ll have two projectors set up, anyone can watch

Sapnap- Y’all better be there or I’ll be mad

Schlatt- … you haven’t even seen our faces

Sapnap- You’ll be there in spirit! I won’t have to know it’s you guys, I just need the support

Karl- I’ll go!!

Fundy- I’ll think about it.

Quackity- no way I’m missing this

Schlatt- I guess I could make an appearance

Dream- Eh, maybe

George- I guess I can go

Tubbo- tommy?

Tommy- Yeah, we’ll be there

Tubbo- :DDD

Skeppy- bad, wanna meet up?

Bad- Wait, really? 0//0

Skeppy- ill pick you up and bring you

Bad- I need to think about it

Skeppy- LITERALLY MEET UP WITH ME

_____________________________________

George doesn’t want to be here.

He decides it early on, after sitting down. It’s packed. All the seats are filled, and there are students loudly chattering and God George literally hates college kids-

He shakes his head, taking a deep breath and trying to focus on the projectors. He immediately notices which one is Sap, and he can’t help but snort. His looks match him perfectly, with the white bandana tied around his head and the stubble under his chin. It just makes _sense_. Before George knows it, the game is starting, and Sap is loudly yelling over the students screams. Yep, that’s definitely him.

To his right, he makes out a distinct little voice shouting out, “You got this, Sap!! C’mon! Do it for- for um- the _Gay-mers_!”

The same time this is being shouted, a voice beside the male yells out a, “Get fucked, bitch! You’re gonna fucking _lose!_ ”

George glances over at the duo. A petite brunette male sitting next to a ridiculously tall blonde child. The shorter of the duo punches what seems to be his best friend’s arm, giving him a pout.

“Shut up, Tommy!! He’s so gonna win!”

“Ouch- _Toby_!” Tommy growls out, shifting on his seat. George stares at them curiously for a moment before it settles on him who the duo are. “I’m just pointing out the obvious! He probably sucks!”

“Tubbo…?” George mutters out, voice a bit confused, brows furrowed. The male whips his head around quickly, catching George’s gaze. George offers up a slight smile.

“Hello!” Tubbo greets. Yeah, that’s Tubbo for sure. The other one is so Tommy, especially with the fact of Tubbo literally calling him the name. “I don’t think I’ve spoken with you before! How’d you know my nam-”

“Uh- it’s George,” George greets, rubbing the back of his neck. Tubbo looks perplexed for a moment before beaming, smiling widely at the male.

“George!” He shouts, before grabbing Tommy’s arm that is currently shooting a middle finger Sap’s direction. “Tommy! It’s George! From the chat!”

Tommy looks over, before giving George an up and down. George shifts. _What the fuck_?

Tommy only grins, nudging Tubbo’s shoulder. “Mans is almost shorter than you.”

“Shut up, Tommy!” Tubbo shouts, but there’s still a wide smile on his face as he turns to George.

“This is- it’s- it’s Pogchamp!” 

_____________________________________

Quackity is exhilarated. The fact that he’s watching his friend 1v1 a teacher on Fortnite is fucking _hilarious_ to begin with, but the fact that the teacher is so far in the lead? Now that’s comedy fucking gold.

The seat beside him gets taken by a stumbling boy, who’s profusely apologizing to the people he passes. Quackity doesn’t mention that Schlatt had been sitting there, assuming the male had probably run off, knowing him. He doesn’t spare the male beside him any attention other than a smile his way, and a compliment to his multicoloured sweater. The brunette only smiles back, letting out a high pitched laugh as he turns to see Sap die again. Maybe he knows him too, who knows?

Over all of the cheering, though, Quackity can hear the boy beside him, who’s leaped out of his seat the moment Sapnap had finally won a game after a lose streak of four. The male is yelling loudly, clapping, and Quackity can just make out the words he says.

“C’mon! You can do this Sap-! That’s my honkin’ fiance!”

Quackity inhales quickly from his nose, turning to him with wide eyes. “Karlos?!”

The brunette has just sat back down before looking at Quackity. Is that what Quackity looks like right now? The male’s eyes are literally _bugging_ out of his face.

“Quackity?”

Yep, it’s definitely his Karlos.

“What the fuck is up, dude?!” Quackity grins like a maniac, punching Karl in the shoulder. Karl giggles wildly, a huge smile on his face.

“Praying my fiance can bring home the big bucks. It sucks being the housewife.”

Quackity lets out a wheeze, and there’s a cleared throat behind him. “Hello, Quackity.”

Quackity lets out the loudest scream he’s ever let out, and that says a lot. Luckily, everyone around him is screaming, so no one turns to look at him until he stands up and whips around, gaining a few glances but nothing more. There’s a boy standing there, arms crossed and a slight grin pulling at his lips. He has orange hair, and a belt that very clearly has a knife strapped to it. 

Quackity looks him over one, twice, and then thrice before letting out a long breath.

_“Fucking Fundy.”_

_____________________________________

Bad is nervous. He can’t help it. This is the first time he’s meeting Skeppy, and the other male is so casual with it as if Bad isn’t 3 seconds away from a panic attack. He’s slinging his arm around Bad, and looking at him with wide smiles and _oh God Bad might throw up oh no-_

“Hey, guys!” There’s a voice and seriously, the Muffin God’s must be sparing him because that’s a voice he recognizes. He turns around, faced with Vurb. He had spoken to the male multiple times, often VCing since Skeppy added him to the group chat and invited him to their Minecraft server. 

“Vurb!” Skeppy beams, scooching closer to Bad when Vurb tries to squeeze between them. Vurb just huffs out and lays himself over their laps. Bad doesn’t question Skeppy’s closer movement to him, only giving him a nervous smile. Skeppy smiles back, patting over Vurb’s face.

“I thought you were with Zelk and the other’s.”

Vurb cackles at that.

“Oh, so Zelk’s the leader when you’re on the dates, Mr. Hotshot?” Vurb teases, and Bad tilts his head in confusion.

“... this is a date?” He asks obliviously, fidgeting with Vurb’s shirt subconsciously. Vurb gasps dramatically, turning to Skeppy.

“Oh my God, you didn’t tell h-”

He’s interrupted when he’s flung to the floor- Skeppy is on his feet, screaming loudly and clapping. Bad quickly looks over.

Huh.

Sapnap’s in the lead.

_____________________________________

Schlatt’s with Minx. He wants to be _literally anywhere else._

Minx is his friend, kind of. Schlatt doesn’t remember agreeing to call her every night, but that’s fine. It’s fine. He gets to make fun of her every call, which is the only plus side.

For a long time they’ve stuck to calls, only hanging out occasionally. The hangouts are planned every time, and usually with Austin, a mutual friend, or one of Minx’s E-girls.

Yet, here he is, walking beside her, as she rants about wanting to introduce him to someone. He, surprisingly, would prefer to be with Quackity in the moment.

He sighs and fixes his collar.

“Are you even focking listening to me?” Minx asks, looking at him with a glare. He almost shudders at the accent. She’s fucking _annoying_ , he thinks.

“Was busy staring at your tits.” He responds easily, getting a punch to the shoulder. When he looks up there’s a tall male in a beanie and a girl about Minx’s height with blonde hair.

“This is Niki and Wilbur. You would know if you were fockin’ listening to me.” Minx grumbles, arms crossed. Niki gives her a smile and her stature immediately shifts as she goes to speak to the girl, leaving Schlatt and- this Wilbur kid. He’s heard the name- most likely someone Tommy knows. Tommy fucking knows everyone.

“Hello, Schlatt,” Wilbur greets, stepping up closer. “I believe I’ve seen you on the school Twitter speaking quite passionately about politics.”

“That would be me.” Schlatt nods, looking Wilbur over. He’s tall, wearing a yellow turtleneck and a red beanie. He seems chill. Schlatt doesn’t normally speak with chill people. He speaks with people like Quackity. He hates it.

He makes note of the guitar, deciding he’ll question it later.

“So, what did you do today?” Wilbur asks, leaning up against one of the railings. Niki and Minx are back with them now, Niki smiling softly as Minx looks them over.

“I ate a Hot Pocket,” Schlatt claims, humming softly. Minx is glaring holes in his head, almost threateningly. Almost a challenge, a way to say Schlatt won’t do something dumb or idiotic.

Yeah, Schlatt’s definitely doing something idiotic. He always does.

“Oh?” Wilbur tilts his head. Schlatt takes note that he looks like a lost puppy. “Do tell me more, Mr. Schlatt. I want to know everything.”

Schlatt grins, and he can’t help but lower his voice as he tells Wilbur everything there is to know about Hot Pockets. Wilbur lowers his voice too, and it takes everything in Schlatt not to absolutely cackle.

Minx screams for them to stop the longer the conversation goes on. They ignore her, continuing as Niki only giggles at the interaction.

This Wilbur guy isn’t too bad.

_____________________________________

Dream’s eyes are set on the floor, occasionally flickering up to check the scoreboard. Sap is winning by two games- this teacher is better at Fortnite than any of them would have guessed. The students on the bleachers are all screaming, but there’s also stragglers just hanging out with their friends around the walls. Dream’s one of them, leaning up against the back wall as he wishes this would go by faster. It’s not that he doesn’t find this entertaining as fuck, he just doesn’t feel like dealing with people today. Specifically-

“Hello.”

Well, fuck.

“Hey, Techno.” Dream glances at the male who’s beside him. Techno looks back at him, face as straight as always.

“What’s got you here?”

Okay, he’s not looking to start another duel. That’s good. Last time they had one of those, Dream broke his wrist and Techno’s ankle was sprained.

“I know the kid who’s versing the teacher,” Dream explains, and he can’t help but grin slightly when the calculus professor gets another win. Who knew Professor Eacott was good at Fortnite? 

“Why are you here?” Dream redirects the question to Techno. The pink haired boy sighs, rubbing his temple. 

“My brothers dragged me here.” He claims, pointing to the crowd. Dream can just make out two brunettes and a blonde boy cheering loudly and _oh_ \- Dream recognizes one of them. Cute, flustered cafe boy. He realizes Techno is pointing someone else out now, looking over to see a group of four at the right wall- two boys talking animatedly while one girl is fuming, the other girl just holding a wide smile. Dream also recognizes the boy in the beanie- the one cute flustered cafe boy had to get to take his order.

He needs an abbreviation. Dream inwardly settles on referring to the boy as ‘CFCB’ in his head.

“You were their ride?” Dream guesses, Techno nodding with a huff.

“Yep. Dad was at a meeting- he’s pissed he didn’t get a chance to watch. Apparently Professor Eacott is like, really fucking good at this. He games or whatever with Professor Vik and shit.”

Dream grins, looking back at the scoreboard. Sap’s behind by three points.

“Sap is gonna lose, huh?”

“Definitely. Professor Eacott is going easy on him.” Techno claims, hitting his head back against the wall. “I want to go home.”

“And tend to your potato farm?” Dream teases with a grin. Techno sends him a glare as Dream doubles over wheezing.

“Oh, shut it, you fu-”

The screams get louder as an alarm rings out. Times up.

Dream looks at the scoreboard.

Sap lost by five points.

_____________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Sapnap- Going dark dont hmu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh yea- first irl scene i guess, hope y'all enjoy it


	10. Sapnap- literally would eat your ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fundy- Karl, why do you have 437 packs of ramen?
> 
> Karl- There was a sale!
> 
> Sapnap- I’m so in love with you
> 
> Dream- fundy did you take the time to count all of the ramen?
> 
> Fundy- Perhaps.
> 
> George- an icon

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- You did not just fucking lose to a teacher

Sapnap- WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Sapnap- THAT BITCH COULD CRANK

Tommy- IM WHEEZING

Tubbo- tommy and i met george!!

Dream- Oh?

Tubbo- mhm! turns out he was sitting right beside us and we didn’t even notice

George- Tommy is like, a 6 foot child

Tubbo- 6’3**

Tommy- George is literally like,,, 5’4

Dream- WHAT

George- I AM 5’9

Dream- AWWWWWWWWW

George- DON’T YOU DARE ‘AW’ TUBBO IS TINY TOO

Tommy- YEAH BUT HE’S 17

Sapnap- WHY ARE WE YELLING AGAIN

Karl- I MET QUACKITY

Quackity- AND FUNDY

Fundy- :)

Quackity- HE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

Fundy- :))

Schlatt- I met this Wilbur guy

Bad- Oh thank god the yelling is over

Tommy- Schlatt, Wilbur is my brother

Schlatt- I knew you knew him

Tommy- Ew never speak to me

Tommy- I literally hate all men except me

Tubbo- :(

Tommy- And Tubbo

Tubbo- :)

Skeppy- bad and I went together

Bad- :D <3

Karl- Quackity’s in my house

Fundy- So am I.

Karl- Pardon

Fundy- Hm?

Quackity- I am fuckingnrjfemrf

Quackity- I’m going to shit myself

Quackity- fundy bls

Fundy- I’m going into your fridge, Karl.

Karl- Well gosh, hope you like monsters and pizza pops

Sapnap- I want to kiss you so bad

Karl- literally come over

Sapnap- well I’m still mad at you

Karl- D: what?!

Sapnap- you hung out with Q before me

Quackity- ;))) Karlos and I have a special bond

Sapnap- no

Quackity- pardon

Sapnap- no you’re not allowed to

Quackity- well fuck ig

Fundy- Karl, why do you have 437 packs of ramen?

Karl- There was a sale!

Sapnap- I’m so in love with you

Dream- fundy did you take the time to count all of the ramen?

Fundy- Perhaps.

George- an icon

Tubbo- i’m cooking :D

Tommy- *baking

Tubbo- shut up im still doing it

Schlatt- Yeah, shut up Tommy

Tubbo- schlatt I love you but never speak again

Skeppy- did tubbo just

Tubbo- don’t be rude to tommy without permission

Dream- can I still tell him to eat my socks?

Tubbo- yes

Dream- Tommy eat my socks

Tommy- I FUCKIGN HAT EYOU

Bad- Language!

Skeppy- where were you?

Bad- Vurb wanted me to VC him about earlier

Skeppy- whatd he say

Bad- Something about you liking me

Bad- I like you too! You’re a really good friend!

Skeppy- yea

Bad- <3

Skeppy- <3

_(Private Chat)_

Sapnap- ouch

Skeppy- don’t even

Sapnap- you like him, huh?

Skeppy- its obvious!

Sapnap- yes! it is!

Skeppy- but he’s oblivious!

Sapnap- yes! he is!

Skeppy- like i’ve only known him for what, a month now?

Skeppy- first conversation with him and i wanted to kiss his forehead and tell him he’s doing amazing!

Sapnap- bro

Skeppy- what

Sapnap- you’re fuckin’ whipped

Skeppy- YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT?!

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Bad- So did everyone end up meeting someone except Sap?

Dream- I didn’t meet anyone. I hung out with Techno for a little bit but that’s about it

Sapnap- i was busy cranking 90s

George- *busy losing to a teacher

Sapnap- fuck you

George- take me to dinner first

Dream- woa

Karl- back off georginator

George- No i would never date sapnap hes just ew

Sapnap- :( gonna cry brb

Karl- I think you’re handsome!

Sapnap- literally would eat your ass

Karl- literally would let you

Quackity- when Karl wont pay attention to you and youre literally playing minecraft on his computer smh

Quackity- I’m devastated

Karl- I’m sorry!

Quackity- no, no, it’s fine

Quackity- what the fuck is playing from the living room

Fundy- I’m watching Treasure Planet.

Quackity- that’s valid

Dream- I’ve never seen Treasure Planet

Fundy- … 

Fundy- Pardon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally subscribe to my friend or I'll sob
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtNPZ6xXzyE


	11. Schlatt- I’m in so much debt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George- I like your beanie
> 
> Quackity- thanks i stole it from a homeless man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10K READS!! WHAT THE FUCK THANK YOU GUYS!!

Fundy- How have you not seen Treasure Planet?

Dream- I dunno, it just like, never came to mind

Fundy- … 

Fundy- I’m about to commit a fucking murder.

Sapnap- Okok let’s not kill dream yet

Dream- YET?!

Quackity- … does anyone know where Schlatt is?

Schlatt- taco bell

Quackity- ah

Schlatt- I ordered everything 

Schlatt- I’m in so much debt

George- unsurprising

Schlatt- George have you ever sucked a cock?

George- WHAT?!

Schlatt- I’ll keep that in mind

George- WHAT THE FUCK

Sapnap- guysssss

Sapnap- since some of you guys already met i think it’s time we each do a face reveal

Karl- I’m down

Bad- Oo, okay! :))

Sapnap- whos first?

Tubbo- i cna go first!!

Tubbo- (image.JPEG)

Tubbo- tommys the one with blonde hair :D

Tommy- I look so fucking good in that photo

Schlatt- Tubbo everyday I wish to adopt you more and more

Tubbo- :DD

Dream- Aw wait

Quackity- you guys are babies

Tommy- You’re literally a year older than us dickhead

Karl- awwwwww i aint ever seen 

Sapnap- TWO PRETTY BEST FRIENDS 

Quackity- MY TURN MY TURN MY TURN

Quackity- (image.JPEG)

Quackity- compliments required 

Schlatt- there’s my honey lemon

Quackity- aw booboo bear

Fundy- You’re not bad looking.

Quackity- that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

George- I like your beanie

Quackity- thanks i stole it from a homeless man

Skeppy- beanies are top tier

Quackity- agreedagreed

Bad- Aw! You’re a muffiny muffin!

Quackity- you literally just called me a fucky fuck

Bad- HEY! LANGUAGE!

Skeppy- I’ll go next ig

Skeppy- (image.JPEG)

Bad- Skeppy! Skeppy! My muf-fin-y!

Skeppy- :) <3

Sapnap- bro ur hot 

Schlatt- Literally what secrets does your hair hide

Tommy- I bet ten dollars he hides all of his gold in there

Skeppy- how did you know?

Karl- skepward! you! are! so! cute! 

Skeppy- thanks karl

Bad- I’ll go!!

Bad- (image.JPEG)

Tubbo- awwww

Skeppy- I saw that in real life fellas. Yall missing out.

Fundy- Adorable.

Dream- Wait but lowkey would pinch your cheeks

George- bad why didn’t you give us a warning

George- your smile is so adorable its blinding

Bad- OMG guys :,)))

Bad- Thank you you little muffins!

Karl- I’ll go :D

Karl- (image.JPEG)

Quackity- hey you can see me in the background

George- why the fuck are you holding a cat like Simba in the background, Quackity?

Quackity- sometimes you just gotta

Sapnap- holy shit karl

Sapnap- I am so bisexual what the fuck

Sapnap- can i like,,,

Sapnap- kiss you on the mouth?

Karl- AH FNEMFNWEMFW

Karl- yes ofc fiance

Dream- karl your hair is so fluffy

Fundy- I agree.

Sapnap- NOBODY ELSE COMPLIMENT HIM BECAUSE I DONT NEED MY BOY CATCHING FEELS FOR ANY OF YOU HOES

Karl- omg

Sapnap- (image.JPEG)

Karl- OMG

Karl- HNN

Sapnap- ;))

Dream- no one gonna pay attention to the fact that he’s watching teletubbies? it’s legit on the screen behind him

Sapnap- tinky winky resonates with me on a spiritual level, dream.

Dream- yeah he’s definitely high

Sapnap- yes very

Karl- you are so handsome sapnap im not worthy of your fianceness

Sapnap- shut your god damn mouth you adorable son of a bitch

George- the bandana suits you

Sapnap- thanks i found it in a church

Tommy- Sapnap goes to church? Wack.

Sapnap- nah i was desperate for bong water so i broke in

Fundy- … 

Fundy- Did you use fucking holy water to smoke?

Sapnap- yes best high of my life

Karl- god he’s so dreamy

Schlatt- (image.JPEG)

Quackity- WH

Quackity- PLS FMJKFJKEFW

Karl- WHAT THE HONK

Fundy- I can hear Quackity laughing from the living room.

Tubbo- WHY ARE YOU LOIKING INTO THE CAMERA LIKE THAT FNJFJKW

George- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ANGLE

Skeppy- IS NO ONE GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE GUN

Quackity- YORU LITERALY IN A FUCKING TACO BELL I CANT BREATH

Dream- B r e a t h

Quackity- DONT SPEAK TO ME IM DYING

Fundy- (image.JPEG)

Tommy- furry vibes

Fundy- Wh-

Karl- Fundy you’re adorable, even if you give of furry vibes

Fundy- I- I what?

Quackity- fundy have you ever had a mexican strip tease?

Fundy- No?

Quackity- would you like one?

George- aww fundy

Schlatt- Fundy you’re like

Schlatt- A ginger

Fundy- Yes, I am. So?

Schlatt- It makes so much sense now

Fundy- ??

Bad- You’re adorable!

Fundy- No, I’m scary. I’m supposed to be scary.

Dream- AWWWWWWW

Fundy- I hate it here.

George- (image.JPEG)

Dream- wh

Dream- oh

Dream- holy shit

Dream- brb oh my god

George- ???

Sapnap- I think you killed him

Karl- I can see why

Karl- You’re adorable, George!!

George- thanks karl :))

Tommy- a 5’8 legend

Tubbo- ^^^^

Schlatt- Why are you

George- ?

Schlatt- s m a l l

George- I AM NOT.

Quackity- aw wait you’re cute

George- don’t compliment me guys i’ll blush

Bad- It’s hard not to! You’re adorable, George!

Dream- a t t r a c t i v e

George- AH

George- thanks guys :)

George- okay, last one. You’re up, Dream

Dream- oh nononono

Dream- you guys don’t want to see me

Skeppy- yes we do

Dream- I look like trash compared to yall, no way

George- Dream we all did it! >:(

Bad- Pleeeeeeeaaaasssssssseeeeeeee Dream?

Dream- Fine

Dream- (image.JPEG)

Fundy- Um?

Karl- WHY DID U SEND A PIC OF DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON JDKSDLSJLJSJLFS

George- DREAM MEKWFWJKMF

Dream- what no

Dream- that’s actually me

Quackity- I-

Quackity- DYING

Schlatt- Dream why didn’t you tell me you’re so sexy?

Dream- ;)

Sapnap- Dweamieee send a real picture

Dream- that’s me!

Tommy- THAT’S LITERALLY THE ROCK

Dream- ughhhh

Dream- I just

Dream- don’t feel comfortable showing my face yet

Dream- I’m sorry

Bad- It’s okay Dream! Take your time! <3

Dream- yea

Dream- sorry

_(Private Chat)_

Dream- i’m fucked

Techno- what happened this time?


	12. Quackity- IMA GOINNA PISS MYSELF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fundy- I’m currently in Quackity’s closet.
> 
> Fundy- He’s playing Five Nights At Freddy’s.
> 
> Fundy- I think I’m gonna jumpscare him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I beg you to fill out the form at the end  
> Also I accidentally posted this with no summary or chapter title. Apologies.  
> And to add on this chapter is shorter than the rest, I got into a fight while writing it the usual :)) fight is in the form below LMFAOOOOO

_(Private Chat)_

Techno- So you’re telling me you’ve been panicking because George from your group chat is the ‘Cute flustered cafe boy’, and you’re upset about it because…?

Dream- because I fell in love at first sight with my CFCB and it turns out to be feisty George and i don’t know what to do!

Techno- Maybe, like, tell him?

Dream- You’re no help.

Techno- Wow. I know you’re serious because you’re using proper capitalization and punctuation. 

Dream- I hate you.

Techno- Try visiting him at work. See how he is around you or whatever.

Dream- … 

Dream- I can try

Dream- thanks or whatever

Techno- Cya.

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Quackity- the fact that Fundy followed me home is terrifying me

Fundy- I did not follow you home.

Quackity- you literally said to me right before we left ‘Hey, Q, I’m going to follow you home.’

Fundy- Maybe I followed you home.

Dream- one can only long for the friendship quackity and fundy have

Fundy- I’m not even with Q anymore.

Schlatt- He’s at my house

George- … why?

Schlatt- We’re watching Desperate Housewives

Fundy- I don’t get Gabrielle’s problem.

Fundy- Who the hell would cheat on their sexy, rich, Mexican husband?

Quackity- eyes emoji

Karl- why the honk would you send the words eyes emoji instead of the actual eyes emoji

Quackity- it gives me character

Schlatt- Makes sense

Schlatt- You need it

Quackity- I’m devastated 

George- my shift starts at fuckign ndkj

George- WHAT KIND OF SHIFT STARTS AT 5 AM

Sapnap- george you act like you’re not gonna be awake at that point

Dream- what does George even do at night?

George- Most nights i sit in the shower for four hours

Fundy- God. That’s such a mood.

Tommy- Fundy says mood? Wack

Fundy- I’m literally the same age as most people here.

Skeppy- its hard to remember youre like

Skeppy- not a thirty year old man

Fundy- What the fuck.

Fundy- I hate this.

Tubbo- i dont think you talk like a thirty year old!

Bad- Me neither :D

Fundy- You guys are the only valid ones here.

George- fuck, it’s already two am what the fuck

Fundy- Schlatt, mind if I sleep on your roof?

Schlatt- I’d be honoured if you did that

Quackity- i guess ill head to bed too lmao

Tubbo- nite everyone! <3

George- I’ll get a nap in before my shift

Bad- G’night! George, try to get at least an hour nap :))

Skeppy- Night Bad <3

Skeppy- and everyone else

Bad- Night, Skeppy!

Sapnap- good night you sexy beasts

Karl- night fiance 030

Sapnap- goodnight my fiance <3

Dream- well, everyone’s going to bed so

Dream- night, guys

Tommy- GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY I HOPE YOU ALL DIE IN YOUR SLEEP EXCEPT FOR TUBBO

___________________________________

Dream shouldn’t be here.

He decides it as soon as he walks in and catches sight of George talking to Techno’s brother, that Wilbur kid. Why did he have to take Techno’s advice? The dude knows jack shit about being in a relationship. Dream doesn’t even think the guy has had a genuine crush before. The most stable relationship Techno keeps is with his fucking potato farm.

Yet, Dream’s feet drag him towards the counter. There’s hardly anyone here, a couple in a corner booth and some lonesome man typing away on an out of date laptop. The general cafe is, well, warm. It has a welcoming atmosphere- Dream can’t help but enjoy every aspect of it. There’s chalkboard signs used to show the menu, and soft lanterns for the light source. It’s genuinely just… _nice_. A place he can see himself spending hours upon hours sitting at. He didn’t get a chance to thoroughly look at the home-y layout last time he was here, but now he wants to look at anything but George. 

“Sir?”

Dream blinks twice, looking forward to see the petite male in front of the register and _oh_ , Dream’s at the counter. 

“Yeah?” Dream breathes out, running his fingers through his hair to attempt to calm himself. This is the same guy he sent fucking four thousand dollars to. The same guy who’s constantly cranky in the groupchat, the feisty bitch. This is the guy who literally has no sleep schedule, who’s either up at all hours or not awake at all.

He’s not some ‘CFCB’ he’s meant to meet once, fall head over heels for, and never meet again. It’s _George_. Dream has to keep reminding himself that.

“W- would you like to order something?” George asks, and he’s _blushing_ for God’s sake. Dream gulps, trying not to pay too much attention to the pink coating the boy’s cheeks.

“I- Yeah,” Dream nods, tapping his fingers against the counter. He feels a vibration in his back pocket, and notices a phone on the counter lighting up. George glances at it before letting out a breathy laugh, seemingly calming down a bit.

“What would you like?” George asks, leaning slightly against the counter. Dream squeezes his nails into his palms, trying to remember how to speak. How can someone be _so_ cute in person, yet so chaotic over text?

“Uh- what do you recommend?”

Dream can’t hide his grin as he listens to George ramble on about different items on the menu, speaking fast paced. Everything rolls off his tongue easily, and Dream can only hang on to every word. By the time George finishes, he’s smiling brightly at Dream, who has to push off an oncoming heart attack.

Yeah. Maybe he’s a simp. Who gives a fuck?

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Quackity- is your shift really going that bad?

George- no

George- kind of

George- how am i supposed to breathe again

Sapnap- ????

George- remember the guy i told you about? who came into the cafe a few weeks ago?

George- well, he’s here and ohhhhh my god i dont know what to do

Tommy- Be careful, you’re going to make Dream jealous

Dream- shut up and eat my socks

Tommy- FUCK YOU BITCH BOY

Dream- and george, just like

Dream- ask if he needs anything else or something

Dream- he might open up conversation

George- are you sure?

Dream- nearly positive

George- thanks, dream. I think im gonna try that

Karl- good luck 

Sapnap- you got this, george

Schlatt- Fundy, are you still on my roof?

Fundy- I’m currently in Quackity’s closet.

Fundy- He’s playing Five Nights At Freddy’s.

Fundy- I think I’m gonna jumpscare him.

Schlatt- You’re my favourite person here

Tubbo- :(

Schlatt- I want to legally adopt you.

Tubbo- :D

Bad- Skeppy and I are going to the movies!

Sapnap- oooo you guys going on a date?

Skeppy- no, it’s a group hangout 

Karl- you’re friends with other people? D:

Skeppy- omg

George- he invited me to sit with him!

Schlatt- George is gonna get dick downed tonight

George- I hate you

Quackity- FENFKMKQ FUCKIGJDF SHIT

Fundy- :)

Quackity- HE UFCKING 

Tubbo- oh my

Quackity- I WAASA APLAYING FNAF AND HE FUCKING

Tommy- Don’t say fnaf, i’ll get flashbacks

Tubbo- ^^^^^

Quackity- IMA GOINNA PISS MYSELF

Schlatt- God, Fundy, you’re a fucking legend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdS8PK69K4Ce_Hka3Onn2mY0rfPRcXZjkF6ep0Z2jTLNPSxUA/viewform?usp=sf_link


	13. Schlatt- He is my son now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo- JFKRMJKFMWEJK
> 
> Dream- ??? You good?
> 
> Tubbo- SCHLATT GAVE ME FUCKING ADOPTION PAPERS FRKFMKEFJEWMFEK
> 
> Schlatt- He is my son now

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tommy- Hey, bitches

Tommy- Wish Tubbo a happy seventeenth birthday 

Schlatt- It’s his birthday?!

Tubbo- mhm :D i never told u guys so dont feel bad or anything

Dream- Tubbo what’s your paypal

Tubbo- dont send me money D:

Dream- oh come on

George- wait HAPPY BIRTHDAY TUBBO!

Bad- Happy birthday you little muffin!

Karl- HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU ARE THE MOST VALID PERSON HERE

Quackity- AGREED AGREED

Tubbo- AH THANKS

Skeppy- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TUBBO!!

Fundy- Happy birthday :).

Sapnap- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITS UR BIRTHDAY GET FUCKIN’ WASTED!!

Tubbo- your all so sweet :D

Skeppy- ur birthday is two days before christmas, that’s awesome

Schlatt- Wait a damn minute it’s christmas in two days-

Quackity- holy shit it is

Sapnap- we should have a friendmas! On like, the 27th! 

Karl- down.

Sapnap- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Dream- tubbo, do you have plans for today?

Tubbo- phil is bringing us to a fancy dinner place !

Tommy- God my father is so rich.

Tubbo- and then we’re gonna go home and open preasents and watch movies together :)))

George- awww

Dream- maybe if your free in the morning, we could have like, a minecraft birthday party for you

Tubbo- :0

Tubbo- i would enjoy that!!

Dream- you can invite anyone you want of course

Tubbo- ill text techno and wilbur!

Tommy- I would offer to help set it up but I’d probably blow the whole map up

Karl- I can help! :DD

Bad- Me too!

Dream- okay okay I’m gonna create a map, what’re your discords?

___________________________________

Karl- Tubbo I am so sorry

Tubbo- i cnant sotp lughing

Tubbo- one sexjcnrmfj

Tubbo- SEC

George- how the FUCK did any of that shit end up happening

Sapnap- no clue

Dream- YOU LITERALLY LIT THE PARTY ON FIRE!

Fundy- I’m traumatized. 

Quackity- *mexican music intensifies*

Schlatt- I can’t believe we made Q think we couldn’t hear him though LMAOOOOOOO

George- Guys. Please.

Schlatt- STOP IM GONNA LAUGH

Quackity- SHUT UPPP

Karl- IM WHEEZING

Tubbo- THAT WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY OF MY LIFE

Tommy- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dream- HOW

Tubbo- THAT WAS SO FUCKED IT WAS HILARIUS

Schlatt- I have never heard Tubbo swear once

Tubbo- IM PUMPED 

Schlatt- By the way, Tubbo, I actually have a birthday gift for you

Tubbo- nooooo dont playing with you guys was enough :))

Schlatt- Nope, you’re getting this gift

Schlatt- Let’s meet up when you’re done with dinner, okay?

Tubbo- well ok ! :D

___________________________________

Tubbo- TOMMY ATTACKED THE WAITER

Tommy- HE WAS BEING A BITCH

Tubbo- HE WAS BEING A WAITER

Tommy- HE SIDE GLARED US

Tubbo- HE WAS PROBOBLY CHECKING TO MAKE SURE WE WERE OKAY

Tommy- HE MADE FUN OF TECHNO’S HAIR TO HIS F A C E

Tubbo- THAT WAS PRETTY MEAN BUT STILL YOU DONT ATTACK A WAITER

Tommy- I DONT KNOW NOBODY

Dream- dinner with you guys must be wild

Tubbo- PHIL JUST PATTED TOMMY ON THE BACK WHAT THE HECK

Tommy- MADE MY DAD PROUD BOYSSSSSSS

Schlatt- Well, Tubbo, can I pick you up from the restaurant real quick?

Tubbo- sure! :D ill send u the name on pms

Sapnap- next year we have to throw tubbo the biggest birthday party ever, this was on such short notice but we will wild out next time

Tubbo- thank u!!

Tommy- i stole baguettes

Bad- ???

Tommy- i went back inside and stole the baguettes

Tommy- i am going to challenge techno to a baguette duel

Tommy- wilbur must serenade the fight scene

Tubbo- get phil to record it so i can see ! Schlatt just got here :D

Karl- I’m devastated right now

Karl- my poor party room

Karl- i built that with my own bare hands

Sapnap- apologies, there was a flint and steel, i couldn’t hold back

Karl- im rlly questioning this relationship right now

Sapnap- D: 

Karl- JUST KIDDING LET’S SMOOCH

Sapnap- WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Skeppy- wanna play bedwars for a bit, bad?

Bad- Sure! Go on Discord <3

George- oblivious, both of you

Dream- agreed

Fundy- I’m so tired.

Fundy- I’m going to take a bath and order Chipotle and have the delivery man bring it up to me.

Quackity- a legend

Tommy- My fucking baguette BROKE

Dream- rip

Quackity- where are schlatt and tubbo anyway?

Schlatt- About to give him his gift

Dream- smh when tubbo wont let me paypal him money but he lets schlatt give him a gift

Tubbo- ur gonna give me too much!

Dream- you deserve the entire world

Karl- *agreed noises*

Sapnap- i want to kiss you so bad

Karl- literally come over

Tommy- Tubbo is still gone

Tommy- I will be so mad if Schlatt murders him, Tubbo is wearing my socks

Schlatt- I didn’t kill him

Tubbo- FJREKFKEMFKE

Tubbo- JFKRMJKFMWEJK

Dream- ??? You good?

Tubbo- SCHLATT GAVE ME FUCKING ADOPTION PAPERS FRKFMKEFJEWMFEK

Schlatt- He is my son now

Tommy- WHAT THE F U C K

Fundy- I get more surprised each day I’m on here.


	14. Tommy- i know another word for cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schlatt- According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly
> 
> Fundy- Andddd I am muting my phone.
> 
> Schlatt- It’s wings are too small to get it’s fat little body off the ground
> 
> Schlatt- The bee, of course, flies anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short filler chapter cause I'm lazy  
> My new discord tag is Fortnite#6770 btw  
> No questions about that please

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Sapnap- IT’S CHRISTMASSSSSSSSS

Karl- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tubbo- merry christmas everyone!!

Dream- merry christmas!!

Bad- I hope everyone’s Christmas will be amazing!!

George- I think we all might be inactive today

Schlatt- That’s fine

Schlatt- While you guys are inactive I’ll send the entire bee movie script

Tommy- Legendary

Tubbo- that’s my dad!!

Schlatt- Yes. It is I

Schlatt- According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly

Fundy- Andddd I am muting my phone.

Schlatt- It’s wings are too small to get it’s fat little body off the ground

Schlatt- The bee, of course, flies anyway

___________________________________

Schlatt- All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys

Schlatt- I had virtually no rehearsal for that

Skeppy- it is six in the morning of the next DAY

Skeppy- YOU SPENT YOUR ENTIRE CHRISTMAS TYPING OUT THE BEE MOVIE SCRIPT TO GAY COLLEGE KIDS AND A COUPLE OF HIGHSCHOOLERS

Schlatt- Wouldn’t spend it any other way

Tubbo- my dad is so cool

Sapnap- guys can we move friendmas and just do like, a new years party together?

Dream- of course

Karl- what happened, sap?

Sapnap- I kinda need to find like

Sapnap- a place to stay

Quackity- you good?

Sapnap- my mom tried to sell me for juul pods

Tommy- WHEEZING

Sapnap- It’s not funny! I had to dip!

Dream- imagine still living with your mother

Quackity- >:(

Tubbo- i live with tommy’s dad

Tommy- I live with my dad

Dream- lmao idiots

Sapnap- i no longer live with my mother

Sapnap- i dont know WHERE THE FUCK TO GOOOOO

Karl- I’d let you stay with me but I’m in the middle of moving out of a shared apartment :((

Sapnap- you’re perfect, i love you, never apologize

Karl- :D <3

Schlatt- You wouldn’t want to stay with me

Sapnap- I’m not even going to ask

George- I’ll be honest i just don’t want sapnap stinking up my house

Sapnap- you’re a rodent <3

George- xoxo

Tubbo- I could ask phil but idk if he wuold say yes :(

Sapnap- it’s okay, tubbo, you don’t need to ask

Sapnap- I’ll like

Sapnap- crash in a motel

Dream- UGH

Dream- JUST COME STAY WITH ME JFC

Sapnap- YESSSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE YOU DREAMIE <3

Karl- smh going dark

Dream- ILL SEND YOU MY ADDRESS ON PMS JUST SHOW UP WHENEVER YOU WANT

Sapnap- DREAM AND I ARE ROOMMATESSSSSS

Dream- WE ARE NOT.

Skeppy- jfc

Fundy- Been there done that, Sapnap.

Sapnap- question mark

Quackity- did you just-

Skeppy- shut up you literally say ‘eyes emoji’

Fundy- Except it wasn’t my mom who tried to do it.

Fundy- My mom’s dead.

Tommy- Well that took a dark turn

Quackity- … 

Quackity- are you okay?

Fundy- I’m doing great, how are you?

Quackity- I have no idea what to say right now

Bad- I’m sorry Fundy <3

Fundy- Bad, I love you, but it’s fine it was like, 8 years ago.

Schlatt- Come over

Schlatt- I’ll play you piano man

Fundy- … 

Fundy- On my way.

___________________________________

Sapnap- DREAM’S HOT!!

Dream- STOP THAT!!

Sapnap- LIKE, HOT

Sapnap- NOT MY TYPE BUT HE IS HOTOTOTOT

Dream- SHUT THE FUCK UP

George- I wanna see dre’s face :((

Dream- one day

George- :(((

Dream- suddenly a day sooner

George- :))

Dream- pls send me a selfie of you with a cat i need it for a social experiment 

George- oh uh

George- okay

George- (Image.JPEG)

Dream- hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dream- brb

Karl- you killed him

Bad- Again

Tommy- i know another word for cat

Tubbo- tommy pls no

Quackity- i do too

Schlatt- I’m blocking both of them

Fundy- Me too.

Quackity- wait funds no :((

Fundy- Why?

Quackity- you and I are supposed to have this like thing, right?

Quackity- where like

Quackity- nobody knows if we’re gonna make out or fight

Quackity- ppl in the comments talked about it

Fundy- Comments?

Quackity- yea

Schlatt- He’s definitely not sober right now

Quackity- I’ll just-

Quackity- nvm

Karl- what the honk are you on about

Quackity- nothing, it’s all good, we’re all fine

Skeppy- … well that was weird

Skeppy- tommy are you at the store?

Tommy- what’s it to ya’?

Bad- That’s definitely them!! Look up!

Tubbo- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEFMEKWJEMFRJ

Skeppy- TUBBO JUST TACKLED BAD TO THE GROUND NJRFMEFKJREJ

Tommy- MY DAD’S LOOKIN AT ME ALL WEIRD NOW CAUSE OF THESE 20 YEAR OLD MEN SPEAKIN’ TO US

Skeppy- oh god techno is like

Skeppy- scary

Tommy- He has an axe in his backpack y’know

Skeppy- … 

Schlatt- Techno seems like a legend

Fundy- I agree.

Bad- Skeppy made us leave

Skeppy- IM SCARED OF TECHNO OKAY

Tubbo- can we add wilbur and techno?

Dream- of course

_(Tommy has added Wilbur)_

Wilbur- hello!!!!!!!

Dream- when the fuck did I save wilbur to my contacts

_(Tubbo has added Technoblade)_

Technoblade- Technoblade.

_(Technoblade has left the chat)_

Fundy- I like him.


	15. Tubbo- peaches are so smooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fundy- I just saw Quackity chug down a bottle of tequila.
> 
> Fundy- It might be the whiskey talking but he’s suddenly more attractive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally just a fuck around chapter for new years

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Dream- I cant believe the year is ending

George- you’re coming to hangout with us, right? At skeppys?

Dream- wow, george, didn’t know you were so adamant to meet me ;))

George- shut up

George- i just want to know what you look like, dumbass

Sapnap- dreams gonna make cafe boy jealousssss

Dream- definitely

Dream- 100%

Dream- cafe boy better watch out

George- STOPPPP

Karl- good morning guys!

Sapnap- good morning gorgeous

Karl- you make me blush

Karl- so we’re going to skeppys for new years?

Skeppy- yea

Skeppy- i hope you dont mind if a couple of my friends are there

Skeppy- they’re kinda my roommates so i gotta

Bad- Of course it’s fine!!

Skeppy- <3

Bad- <3

Tubbo- i hate thinkign of the year ending

Dream- I mean,,

Quackity- at least it wasn’t the most terrible year

Quackity- imagine if there was like

Quackity- a global pandemic 

Quackity- maybe one of our parallel universes is having a huge pandemic

Quackity- maybe we’re famous in that universe

Quackity- maybe we have to wear masks to go out and the world is slowly dying out from this horrid disease that nobody can find a cure to

Fundy- … 

Fundy- I don’t know what to say right now.

Schlatt- He had an edible

Quackity- im seeing this world from a different perspective, man

Tommy- Drugs give you the sight

Tommy- Drugs make you the most knowledgeable person on the planet

Wilbur- That is not a fact

Wilbur- Please don’t partake in the consumption of drugs

Tommy- You wrote a song from the point of view of a middle aged man who’s wife Karen took the kids

Tommy- I find that hilarious

Tubbo- he did the lauhg

Wilbur- I heard it from downstairs

George- dream literally never answered my question

Karl- imagine

Dream- what was the question again i was getting pizza rolls

George- are you coming to skeppys tn?

Dream- yup

George- so we’re gonna see your face??

Dream- perhaps

Fundy- That’s so ominous.

Fundy- I love it.

Quackity- you scare me so much but like

Quackity- i’d happily let you little spoon

Fundy- No.

Fundy- No I’m scary.

Fundy- I’d never little spoon anyone ever.

Wilbur- Awww 

Wilbur- I think I will adopt you

Wilbur- You are my son now

Fundy- … Why is this the second time someone in this group has been adopted in the past month?

Fundy- And why does it have to be me?

Wilbur- Wait what

Wilbur- Who else was adopted

Tubbo- :))

Wilbur- H u h

Schlatt- Tubbo, my son, would you like to play a game of catch?

Tubbo- sure dad!

Wilbur- WHAT

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Skeppy- okay so far quackity, fundy, karl, bad, george, and schlatt are here

Skeppy- plus my idiots

Skeppy- so the rest of you better get your asses over here

Wilbur- You have never

Wilbur- Had to drive

Wilbur- Two chaotic forces that are in teenagers bodies

Wilbur- For forty five fucking minutes

George- tubbo isn’t chaotic

Tommy- YEHS HE JIS

Tommy- HESJ TYRING TO KILLME

Fundy- Pardon…?

Tubbo- hehehheh 

Tubbo- big crime >:)

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Dream- Sap and I will be there soon

Dream- the dumbass made us stop at some sketchy ass house

Sapnap- i wanted pot

George- JUST GET HERE ALREADY

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- DREAM WHAT TH FUCK IS THAT DHSJFKWMF

Dream- it’s my mask

Sapnap- see, i told him it wasn’t a good fashion choice

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Schlatt- Hot girl in the room

Schlatt- I’m going in

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Schlatt- THAT’S A DUDE THAT’S A DUDE THAT’S A DUDE

Skeppy- YOU LITERALLY JUST FLIRTED WITH FINN

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Fundy- I just saw Quackity chug down a bottle of tequila.

Fundy- It might be the whiskey talking but he’s suddenly more attractive.

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Bad- WHERE DID HARVEY AND GEO GO

Skeppy- eohn the foof

Bad- WHAT

Skeppy- ond the sroof

Skeppy- isee thennm

Skeppy- i thifnk theyr fonna throw a watmeleon on mejfk

Bad- N O

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tubbo- peaches are so smooth

Tommy- I think you got contact high from Sapnap

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tommy- WILBURS GONNA SING

Wilbur- I need anorher shot fisrt

Fundy- I dotm tnthink im fucntioning

George- THATNS THE FIRST TIME IMVE EVER SEEN FUNDY NOT SPELL RIHGT

Sapnap- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Karl- YOSU SJUT SMAHSED A BTOTTLE ON TOE GUSY HEAD

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Schlatt- ims seing 2 wuackitys

Schlatt- mys worst nighmantre

Quackity- ehthats sjut meen

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tommy- I love being surrounded by drunk idiots

Tubbo- it is a vibe

Bad- CAN YOU GUYS HELPME STOP SCHLATT FROM DROWNING SAPNAP?!

Tommy- You’re right, Tubbo

Tommy- Such a vibe.

Bad- AGHHHHHHHHHHHH

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Sapnap- karsl u luok so good tonite

Karl- ejfk so di u

Sapnap- imd gona hold ur hand

Karl- yespls

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Bad- I need new friends.

Skeppy- J NWEM SZELK JUS T SMAHSED MY WINDOW

Skeppy- GEO SHAS TO POAY 4 IT HTIS TIME

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Skeppy- 14

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tommy- The fuck do you mean 14?

Skeppy- soips

Fundy- HE SNWANTS SOUDP

Fundy- GTETHE MAN HDI SOUPEJ

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- drem si oddly sfamilioar

George- idk shwat his facne looks liek

George- but idrecognize hsi voise and hight

Dream- that’s strange

George- DIRNKSTOP BEING SOBERS

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- wahntstarts with d andends with y

Karl- whut

George- DA VINKY

Karl- I JSU T CHOEKD

___________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- HAPSY NEW YEARS!!

Tubbo- HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

Tommy- I just found Wilbur crying in the bathroom with a bottle of vodka

Tommy- It truly is a happy new year

Skeppy- oops

Bad- Skeppy did

Bad- Did you just kiss me?

Skeppy- ethats a scecret illnever tell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simqly.Alex#6770  
> dont question why it changes so much okay?


	16. Spifey- I’m convinced the only fluid Finn drinks is vodka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skeppy- harvey dont further search the backyard just dont youll regret it
> 
> TapL- I
> 
> TapL- JKMKEWFJKWMF
> 
> Skeppy- oh no
> 
> Spifey- what happened?
> 
> Skeppy- you and harvey threw his watermelon at me last night from the roof
> 
> TapL- MY MELON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_(The IDots)_

Spifey- yeah one question

Spifey- who the fuck broke my bedroom window

Zelk- i wouldnt know

TapL- it was zelk

Zelk- fuck you too

Skeppy- i should not hae let them come over im about to combust

Bad- There’s pills and water on each of your tables

Bad- I’d handle the others, but I don’t know where half of them are.

Finn- WHAT THE FUCK KRLQWMLQW

TapL- you good?

Finn- THERES A MAN IN OUR BATHTUB

Skeppy- fucking wilbur i swear to god

Finn- WHY IS HE CRYING ABOUT SOME DUDE NAMED JARED

Bad- He drank a lot last night.

Vurb- all of us did

Vurb- except you and mega

Spifey- on the subject

Spifey- where the hell was mega all night

Mega- The attic.

Zelk- w h y

Mega- I watched Vurb take a shot before he immediately asked me for toe pics.

Mega- The attic is my safe space.

Mega- Plus I can watch all the cameras from there.

Skeppy- … CAMERAS?

Mega- I said nothing.

Spifey- welp

TapL- someones sleeping on a pool flamingo

TapL- I think it’s that quack guy

Skeppy- quackity

Skeppy- harvey dont further search the backyard just dont youll regret it

TapL- I

TapL- JKMKEWFJKWMF

Skeppy- oh no

Spifey- what happened?

Skeppy- you and harvey threw his watermelon at me last night from the roof

TapL- MY MELON NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Zelk- I’ll get the tissues.

Finn- no, no, i wanna see how this plays out

Zelk- what does that even mean

Finn- no clue i am so hungover

Finn- the only way to avoid a hangover is to never be sober

Finn- alcohol here i come

Bad- That is not how it works.

Spifey- I’m convinced the only fluid Finn drinks is vodka

Finn- I cannot confirm nor deny that fact

Vurb- finn drinks toe fluid

Finn- that is the most disgusting thing you have ever said

Finn- and you have said a lot of disgusting things

TapL- i need a new melon guys :(

Spifey- we can go to the store after, im currently making prairie oysters

Zelk- prairie oysters are u fucking kidding me

Zelk- those shits are nasty stop fucking making them everytime we’re hungover

Spifey- they work

Skeppy- i am not drinking that disturbing concoction 

Skeppy- I refuse to put raw egg in my system

Bad- You ate an entire pack of cookie dough two days ago.

Skeppy- youre supposed to be on my side, bad

Bad- … Okay

Finn- there is still a man in our bathtub

TapL- and one in our pool

Zelk- you haven’t even seen the two on our roof

TapL- … 

TapL- Pardon me?

Zelk- there are two men passed out on our roof as well

Zelk- one of them is wearing a weird fuckin mask

Zelk- the other one is just

Zelk- fluffy

Skeppy- oh, dream and karl

Skeppy- were they cuddling eyes emoji

Bad- … Aren’t Karl and Sapnap dating?

Skeppy- i hate to inform you that they have not established anything but premarital handholding and gooey eyes

Zelk- they weren’t cuddling

Zelk- the dream dude is asleep standing up

Zelk- what the actual fuck are your friends

Bad- Language.

Bad- And they may be chaotic, but we love them.

Skeppy- reluctantly

Bad- No, very gladly with open arms.

Skeppy- reluctantly

_(Zelk has created a groupchat)_

_(Zelk has titled the groupchat IDots - Skeppy and Bad)_

TapL- oh shit why we whispering

Zelk- guys

Mega- No.

Zelk- guys minus mega

Mega- There we go.

Finn- whats up?

Zelk- bad just told me something a little weird

Spifey- continue

Zelk- apparently skeppy kissed him last night

TapL- .

Spifey- .

Finn- .

Vurb- i

Vurb-YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- where did everyone end up

Dream- gamers, sound off

Karl- i woke up on the roof to a very scary sight of dream standing up yet still maintaining sleep

Dream- god im so cool

Quackity- i was woken up by a small man screaming about his watermelon

Quackity- he was very upset

Quackity- i was sleeping on a pool floatie

Tommy- Tubbo and I actually made it home

Tubbo- phil was very proud of us

Tubbo- he knew wilbur wouldnt make it back

Wilbur- That’s just plain rude.

Dream- and where did you wake up, wilbur?

Wilbur- … in a bathtub

Wilbur- A very pretty crossdresser woke me up and let me hug him

Tommy- Were you crying over Jared again?

Wilbur- Perhaps

Skeppy- I woke up in Harvey’s bed.

Skeppy- Vurb was asleep on the floor.

Bad- I slept in Skeppy’s room after making sure nobody died in their sleep.

Dream- our king

Dream- Fundy?

Fundy- I don’t want to talk about it.

Dream- well okay

Dream- schlatt?

Schlatt- I’m in a zoo

Dream- nice

Schlatt- Ikr

Karl- Sap? You good?

Dream- maybe he hasn’t woken up yet

Dream- George where did you even wake up?

George- somebody’s house.

George- not sure who’s yet will make sure to investigate further as soon as i have the energy to get up

Dream- god youre so attractive

George- shut your god damn mouth

Dream- i love it when he gets feisty with me

Wilbur- Crossdresser has offered to paint my nails

Wilbur- Apparently his name is Finn but he’s commanding I call him Rose

Skeppy- yeah he does that

Dream- I should probably get off of this roof

Karl- pls bring me with you im scared

Fundy- I’m never consuming alcohol again.

Quackity- I watched you chug down a bottle of rum without wincing once

Fundy- And I watched you do the same with tequila.

Quackity- yes and you said it was attractive

Fundy- Never pay attention to what I say while under the influence.

Quackity- … 

Quackity- going dark

Dream- a very nice tall british man named george just gave me a prairie oyster

George- i didnt give you a prairie oyster tf

Dream- didn’t i say tall?

George- fuck you

Karl- i met the crying melon man

Karl- i hope he’s okay, it really sucks to lose a pet :(

Schlatt- Karl I am going to say this in the nicest way possible,

Schlatt- A watermelon is not a fucking pet.

Skeppy- say that to harvey and he’ll end your life

Schlatt- I’d like to see him try.

Skeppy- oh god

Wilbur- I’m getting Niki to pick me up brb

Schlatt- Nobody asked <3

Wilbur- Aw you’re so sweet to me <3

Karl- why is there a man asking me for toe pics

Bad- The only thing you can do is ignore Vurb. I hate to say it but it’s true.

Bad- I’m gonna start cleaning up.

Skeppy- ill help!

George- guys i dont want to be the kind of person who worries about sapnap

George- since he’s like the bane of my existence 

George- but he would usually be texting by now

Karl- I agree

Dream- i mean, if itll make you guys feel better we can have a search for him

Karl- yes please :))

George- fuck no im staying in bed

Karl- GEORGE THATS MEAN

George- bed combfy

Quackity- You don’t even know who’s bed it is.

George- ive come to the conclusion it’s schlatts

George- theres five american flags and a cardboard cutout of the pope

Schlatt- Yep, that’s my room.

Schlatt- How the fuck did you get there?

George- Schlatt i forget what i even drank first last night

Schlatt- …

Schlatt- Understandable.

Karl- dream, are you in a good enough state to drive?

Dream- yes

Dream- well actually probably not

Dream- but yes

Karl- that’s good enough for me

Karl- i gotta find my fiance

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- its been half an hour, you guys find him yet?

Dream- nope

Karl- PAY ATTENTION TO THE HONKING ROAD

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Dream- i found a bag of takis

Dream- i think this is the right direction

Quackity- its been two hours

Dream- let me hunt

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tubbo- good mornign i am oficially awake! :D

Tubbo- is sap okay?

Wilbur- No clue, little man

Dream- we’ll see

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- dream, climbing a tree will not help you find him

Dream- i gotta get high ground

Karl- oh my honk

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Wilbur- We’ve hit four hours boys

Dream- he’ll be fine

Karl- what if he’s not?

Dream- karl dont you dare have a panic attack when i am on top of a tree and cant immediately comfort you

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- :(

Fundy- He’ll be okay.

Karl- <3

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Sapnap- jesus fuckin

Karl- SAP?!

Sapnap- i fuckin

Sapnap- i woke up in the vents of an ikea

Sapnap- what the fuck

Dream- why didnt you answer our calls or texts?!

Sapnap- lost my phone

Sapnap- found it in one of the display fridges

Karl- i hate you never worry me like that again you nimrod

Karl- i thought you died

Sapnap- nah, im invincible 

Karl- :(

Sapnap- im sorry, Karl <3

Karl- forgiven <3

Karl- where are you? Let us come pick you up

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Dream- wanna explain why you were in the vents of an ikea three hours away

Sapnap- shit be like that

Dream- awesome response, 10/10, would recommend to anyone

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tommy- Please tell me he suffocated in the vents

George- sadly i dont think so

Tommy- Well fuck, I woke up for nothing

George- I would make fun of you for sleeping until 7 pm but i do that shit

Dream- we know, george

Sapnap- im going to sleep for the next 18 hours, see you guys later

Quackity- night

Fundy- Good night, Sapnap.

Wilbur- g’night

Karl- gn sappy <3

Sapnap- sappy is a new one

Sapnap- i enjoy that

Sapnap- night gorgeous <3

George- good night snapmaps

Sapnap- fuck you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://discord.gg/GdQEBCKuGB


	17. Dream- i would die for you in a second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo- tommy, you’re not my best friend
> 
> Tommy- I-
> 
> Tubbo- youre my brother
> 
> Tubbo- oh hes crying

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- hhhhhh

Karl- ?

George- sleepy

George- class gross

George- why did i have to have a lecture today :((

Dream- want me to speedrun you a coffee

George- pardon

Dream- just, tell me the floor you’re on and ill bring you a coffee

Dream- ask to go to the bathroom in two minutes

Karl- the fact that dream is confident that he’ll get there within two minutes

Dream- trust me

Dream- i will

George- you gonna wear that fucked up mask again?

Dream- why wouldn’t i

George- touche

Sapnap- dream ur a fucking simp

Dream- don’t you dare act like you aren’t one

Dream- karl come get your mans smh

Karl- !

Sapnap- ;)

Karl- ;)

Quackity- good morning everyone

Schlatt- It’s one pm.

Quackity- oops

Tommy- You literally missed all of school

Quackity- sometimes you gotta

Fundy- I forget Quackity’s in highschool.

Quackity- im nineteen!

Quackity- i failed a grade in middle school and to put on top of that i missed like, half a year when i moved here so i only am taking first semester

Quackity- so here i am

Fundy- Ah.

Fundy- That makes sense.

Quackity- are you trying to seduce me?

Fundy- … Pardon?

Quackity- he is

Quackity- he so is

Quackity- and it is so working

Schlatt- George would you like to explain the missing fishsticks from my freezer?

George- no comment

Schlatt- People like you are the reason I’m in so much debt

Wilbur- Debt?

Schlatt- Crippling.

Tommy- Schlatt how do you manage to be so poor and so very rich at the same time

Schlatt- It’s the muttonchops. 

Karl- it all makes sense now

Skeppy- fuckin

Skeppy- chips ahoy

Bad- Skeppy! Language!

Skeppy- sorry! Sorry

Skeppy- i just need to kill spifey for filling every one of our fucking cabinets with chips ahoy

Dream- I would not be able to manage roommates like them

George- thanks for the coffee, dre

Dream- i would die for you in a second

Skeppy- wow, a simp is dissing my roommates smh

Quackity- you’re-

Quackity- but-

Skeppy- shhh

Quackity- okok

Tubbo- i dazed off during class and ended up doodling bees all over my notes

Schlatt- I’m so proud of my son.

Tubbo- im burning this hole note book when i get home

Schlatt- I’m even more proud.

Wilbur- Just be careful with fire control Tubbo! Remember how the neighbours reacted last time you caught their fence on fire

Tubbo- it was an acident!

Tommy- We both know it wasn’t, Big Man

Tubbo- … it rlly wasnt

Sapnap- tubbo

Sapnap- tubbo would you ever commit arson with me

Tubbo- i woold love to!

Sapnap- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Tubbo- r we best friends now?

Sapnap- Yes.

Tommy- Fucking what

Tubbo- tommy, you’re not my best friend

Tommy- I-

Tubbo- youre my brother

Tubbo- oh hes crying

Tubbo- omg hes crying

Tubbo- i dont know what to do what do i do when tommy crys

Tommy- TUBBO YOU SON OF A BITCH

Tommy- YOU’RE THE PERSON I DISLIKE THE LEAST IN THIS WORLD

Tubbo- :D <3

Schlatt- Does this mean I have to adopt Tommy too?

Tommy- Fucking no

Tommy- I’m reluctantly happy with my family

Wilbur- What a sweet brother you are.

Tommy- I’m so cool.

Sapnap- karllllllllll

Karl- sappppppp

Sapnap- i miss youuuu

Karl- hop on vc, you nimrod

Sapnap- gladly

Karl- are we gonna minecraft kiss?

Sapnap- you read my mind ;))

Karl- god you’re handsome

Wilbur- Speaking of handsome, George, cafe boy was in today

George- WHATJKERMKJG

Wilbur- He stopped by to grab a drink, looked like he was in a rush.

George- I FUCJKING MISSED HIM

George- I FUCKING HATE SCHOOL I HATE IT

Dream- not george throwing a tantrum over hot cafe dude

Sapnap- dream is soooo jealous of him

Dream- oh definitely

Sapnap- he wants to be george’s cafe boy

Karl- you act like he wasn’t fulfilled by george flirting with him all night during the new years party

George- PARDON

Karl- you were all up on him

Karl- it was kinda very funny

Sapnap- can confirm even though it’s blurry

Bad- Yeah, George, you were um… really unholy with the dancing that night.

George- I WAS DRUNK OKAY FHEJEKRMFKJ

George- IT DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING I WAS FUCKING DRUNK

Dream- already known by the fact that you kept randomly whispering to me saying ‘dream i am so drunk’

George- SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH

George- IT LITERALLY WAS JUST DRUNK ME BEING DUMB

George- IT MEANT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Bad- Do people not mean what they do when they’re drunk?

Schlatt- most of the time

Schlatt- at least i say that to get out of awkward situations

Sapnap- it depends but a lot of the time it’s just people being dumb and drunk

Bad- Oh.

Bad- I didn’t know that.

Tubbo- ive never consumed any form of drink

Quackity- not even water?

Tubbo- wont confirm or deny

Fundy- Oh, that’s weirdly creepy.

Fundy- I enjoy that.

_(Private Chat)_

Bad- I don’t think Skeppy was serious when he kissed me.

Zelk- What?!

Bad- He was just drunk! He was probably joking around or didn’t even mean to do it.

Zelk- Bad

Zelk- I can assure you with all my heart

Zelk- He meant to kiss you.

Bad- I don’t think so.

Bad- It’s fine! It doesn’t like, upset me.

Bad- I guess I was just surprised that he did it at first.

Zelk- Bad…

Bad- I just wanted to tell you since you know he kissed me and stuff.

Bad- But yeah, he definitely didn’t mean to.

Zelk- Oh my God


	18. Tubbo- whats a twink again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo- tommu why do i smell smoke
> 
> Tommy- I promise it was Ranboo
> 
> Tubbo- what the hell happened
> 
> Tommy- You know how Ranboo and I are chem partners?
> 
> Tubbo- oh my god
> 
> Tommy- We may have accidentally burned down the entire classroom

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Sapnap- oh yeah i forgot to ask, george, but how was the coffee?

George- … 

George- that happened twenty-six hours ago

Sapnap- well shit, i was just being polite

Karl- yeah george!

George- oh here’s karl being a fucking simp

Karl- im not a simp! Im a good fiance

Sapnap- yeah he is!

Karl- god i wanna kiss you

Sapnap- do it pussy

Tommy- Tubbo

Tubbo- yeah, tommy?

Tubbo- tommy

Tubbo- tommu why do i smell smoke

Tommy- I promise it was Ranboo

Tubbo- what the hell happened

Tommy- You know how Ranboo and I are chem partners?

Tubbo- oh my god

Tommy- We may have accidentally burned down the entire classroom

Tubbo- how

Tubbo- how do you do that

Tommy- It was an accident!

Tommy- Anyway

Tommy- I’m gonna need you to call dad

Tubbo- why cant u do it

Tommy- I’m scared of the yelling

Tubbo- god damn it

Wilbur- Dad’s either going to kill you or be so very proud.

Tommy- We’ll see

Karl- do you guys know ant and velvet

George- everyone knows ant and velvet

Dream- that’s a fact

Schlatt- I know nobody except the people in this groupchat and like, two other people.

Sapnap- nice schlatt’s the only one who doesn’t know ant and velvet

Wilbur- Just like everyone knows Eret

Fundy- You know Eret?

Wilbur- Everyone knows Eret

Karl- he’s such a king

Karl- anyway

Karl- ant and velvet were being kings today and i love them

Quackity- what happened?

Karl- okay so there’s this homophobic professor right?

Skeppy- mrs.cobwell?

Karl- yeah

Skeppy- finn told me about her

Skeppy- she sounds like such a bitch

Bad- Language, Geppy!

Sapnap- geppy is new

Karl- she is a bitch

Bad- Karl! Language!

Karl- its true!!

Karl- anyway she was making homophobic comments and like, i get it men suck unless sapnap

Sapnap- muah

Karl- but it was honkin rude

Karl- ant and velvet chewed her out it was amazing

Karl- i think they made out on her desk after

Fundy- Goals.

Quackity- i forget you understand shit like that

Fundy- I’m literally like, the age of most of the people here.

Quackity- yeah but you also speak old and are scary

Fundy- I’d keep one eye open tonight.

Quackity- that’s what i mean!!

Fundy- I hate you.

Quackity- you dont

Tubbo- they are deffo flertin

Tommy- They are deffo flerting

Quackity- im too tired for this shit

Schlatt- Careful, you’re starting to sound like George.

Quackity- never compare me to that twink

George- that’s just plain rude quackity

Quackity- oops

Dream- i mean, i would try to be on george’s side but he is sorta a twink

George- what the fuck, dream

Dream- it’s true!!

Karl- any truers

Wilbur- Says the other twink

Karl- HUH

Karl- WHAT THE HONK

Tubbo- whats a twink again

Tommy- It’s when a person thinks about winking

Tubbo- oh!!

Tubbo- thanks tommy

Tommy- Of course Tubbo

Skeppy- I’m going to tell him

Wilbur- Don’t you dare

Tubbo- ???

Wilbur- Nothing

Sapnap- dream lost my fucking oreos

Fundy- … How do you lose Oreos?

Sapnap- ask him!!

Dream- IT JUST HAPPENED OKAY

Bad- You can fight me on this but Oreos are disgusting without milk.

Bad- Actually don’t fight me.

Bad- I’m sensitive.

Skeppy- ur adorable

Bad- 0//0

Sapnap- fuck it im going to target for more oreos

Karl- pop off king <3

Sapnap- god i love you <3

George- ew

Quackity- george has a fear of affection 

Wilbur- Unless it’s cafe boy

Quackity- unless its cafe boy

George- i do not have a fear of affection 

Skeppy- mhm

Skeppy- sure

George- i dont!!

Bad- Would you ever hug anyone here?

George- ew wtf no

George- maybe tubbo but nobody else

Quackity- yep, he has a fear of affection 

Quackity- even fundy would hug us

Fundy- Probably would, that’s true.

George- i bet ten dollars schlatt wouldnt

Wilbur- That’s just a lie

Wilbur- The second time I hung out with Schlatt I discovered he is very clingy.

Schlatt- I’m not clingy!

Wilbur- He passed out over me and Niki’s laps

Schlatt- You guys are just comfier than Minx

Wilbur- Mhm

George- just because i wouldnt hug you guys doesnt mean i have a fear of affection 

Dream- what would you do if one of us just

Dream- kissed your forehead or something idfk

George- i dont know?!

George- id probably laugh or something

Sapnap- oh you touch starved baby

Karl- ^^^^

Sapnap- do you need a hug from uncle sapdaddy?

George- if you get near me you will not have a left testicle anymore

Fundy- Oh.

Fundy- My liking for George has just increased.

Sapnap- WHY WOULD YOU GO AND THREATEN MY BALLS LIKE THAT

George- its the name of the game

Sapnap- THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE

George- stfu

Tubbo- wilbur can u pick me up?

Wilbur- Sure bud, why?

Tubbo- tommy cant walk home with me cuz he has detenshion :(

Wilbur- Be there in five

Tubbo- :D <3

Dream- does that mean tommy wont be able to text for a while

Tubbo- yeah :((

Dream- FUCK YEAH

_(Private Chat)_

Dream- Eat my socks

Dream- Eat my socks

Dream- Eat my socks

Dream- Eat my socks

Dream- Eat my socks

Dream- Eat my socks

Dream- Eat my socks

Dream- Eat my socks

Dream- Eat my socks

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Dream- lets GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

George- youre so weird

Dream- ;)

George- ew

Karl- i think i just saw sap run into a pole-

Quackity- i didnt know sapnap was a stripper

George- i-

George- goodbye

Karl- I MEANT LIKE A LIGHT POLE ON THE STREET YOU NIMROD AHAHAHHA-

Karl- I DROVE PAST HIM

Karl- i should probably pick him up, could have a concussion 

Fundy- Simp.

Quackity- i am so proud of you fundy

Fundy- Thanks, I think.

Sapnap- that rlly fuckin hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, heat waves chapter twelve, huh?


	19. Wilbur- I BURNT MY FUCKING DICK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George- wilbur
> 
> George- wilbur why are you screaming
> 
> George- wilbur did you spill coffee again
> 
> Wilbur- I BURNT MY FUCKING DICK

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- update?

Karl- concussed 

Dream- god damn it that idiot

Karl- it’s just a mild one

Karl- doctor said he just has to rest and keep his phone brightness low

Dream- that’s fine he just lays in bed all day anyway

Quackity- i forgot you guys are living together rn

Dream- its horrible

Sapnap- doctor didnt give me a single perky :(

Sapnap- all i wanted to do was start up

Karl- I still see your shadows in my room-

Sapnap- kiss me on the lips

Schlatt- While they’re doing that,

Schlatt- Quackity, can you please stop singing ‘Gary Come Home’ on repeat?

Quackity- dont kink shame me

Schlatt- Kink shaming is my kink

Quackity- you bitch

Dream- anyone down to watch incredibles 2?

Karl- duh

Fundy- … Sounds enjoyable enough.

Schlatt- Do you have the movie or do you want me to bring it? I have eleven copies

Dream- … have you ever heard of netflix, schlatt?

Schlatt- Miss me with that rich shit

Dream- … okay

Dream- anyone else?

George- I have a shift at 6 in the morning

George- Ill be there

Tubbo- ooh! Can tommy and i come?

Dream- of course, tubbo

Wilbur- That means I’ll be driving so I’ll be there as well

Quackity- the incredibles is my shit count me in

Skeppy- bad, you wanna go?

Bad- Sure!!

Dream- everyones coming, got it

Dream- find me on snapmaps

George- you fukcing

George- i hate you

George- what’s your fucking snapchat you bitch

Dream- pxss.baby

Dream- do not make fun of me i made it in freshman year

Tommy- PISS BABY

Dream- god damn it

_____________________________________

It’s four in the morning.

George lets out an overexaggerated sigh as he leans back on the couch. The Incredibles 2 has been on loop for the past 6 hours, and he hates to say that he’s not even surprised. He should have known what he was getting himself into going to Dream and Sap’s to watch a movie. Plus, he has work in two hours- but, as his gaze shifts to Wilbur, he decides he can calm down. The male is face first on the floor (George isn’t quite sure if he’s alive or not, but hey, if he’s dead, that’s just more shifts for George which means more money). Schlatt is laid over his back, sleeping soundly. George would be more surprised if Wilbur hadn’t technically given them a warning about Schlatt actually being a clingy bitch.

His gaze shifts over to the armchair that Skeppy and Bad are sharing. The duo had barely managed to squish onto it together, which ended with one of Bad’s legs thrown over Skeppy’s lap, the latter having to fit an arm around his shoulder to stay comfortable. They’re exchanging hushed whispers, screen forgotten. George can’t help but admire it, the way they’re looking at each other like no one else is in the room, even with Quackity pouting at their feet and occasionally letting out a curse word just to rile up Bad.

He’s aware of Fundy on the other side of Dream (Yes, he sat beside Dream, but only because he didn’t want to sit on the floor. It’s not like he finds his voice oddly attractive or something). The shorter of the two is begging Dream to put on Treasure Island, which he has been doing for the past 4 hours, but the masked man won’t budge. George finds it almost… ballsy? He himself would never be able to go against Fundy’s wishes- what, with his scary demeanour and that fucking knife he keeps strapped to his belt at all times. It’s almost like Dream is begging to be stabbed. George wouldn’t put it past him.

Tommy and Tubbo are sitting at their feet, surprisingly not bickering over some dumb shit which they seem to do. Tommy took to Reddit halfway through the second replay of the movie, occasionally shoving his phone into Tubbo’s face whenever he finds something laugh-worthy. George has taken notice that Tubbo is _concerningly_ dedicated to this film, eyes not leaving the screen once unless prompted by Tommy. It’s a strange dynamic, George decides, yet pretty fitting. They’ve obviously been close for a long time, and who is George to critique that?

He sighs softly, clicking open his phone. If he has to watch one more minute of this movie, he might kill everyone in the room. _It’s an empty threat_ , his mind reminds, but he ignores it as soon as he hears Sapnap snore across the room. Okay, maybe he won’t kill _everyone_ , but Sapnap will be done for if he doesn’t stop snoring within the next two hours. Karl’s been leaning against the bandana wearing male since about 3 hours ago, the latter happily letting him. He’d only fallen asleep about 30 minutes before now, but his fucking snoring is getting on everyone’s (excluding Karl’s) nerves by now. 

George rolls his eyes, opening his text chain with Dream.

_(Private Chat)_

George- If I have to endure one more minute of sapnaps snoring i will commit a fucking murder

He hears a snort beside him, and he can’t help but feel a little proud of himself as he leans into the arm of the couch.

_(Private Chat)_

Dream- tell me about it

Dream- i deal with this shit every night

George- do you hear it through the fucking walls?

Dream- paper thin baby

Dream- only the best

George hides his smile with his hand as he sets down his phone, letting it rest beside him as his eyes fall shut. He knows Dream saw it, the smile, judging by the small nudge his foot gets. As much as George wishes, he’s not upset, not even when a blanket is thrown over his figure and his hair is ruffled. He’s tired, and he can enjoy maybe the _smallest_ bit of affection, as long as it isn’t rubbed in his face.

He falls asleep to the sound of The Incredibles 2 and Sapnap’s way-too-loud snoring.

Yeah, he’s late for work when the time comes, but then ‘Cafe Boy’ comes in, and that’s when George realizes he hasn’t stopped smiling since he had woken up.

_____________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Fundy- I’m still fucking pissed at Dream.

Quackity- what happened?

Fundy- We watched The Incredibles 2 five times in a row, and he still couldn’t fit in the time for Treasure Planet.

Dream- i havent seen it!

Fundy- That’s why we should have watched it!

Dream- a movie is not enjoyable if you haven’t seen it 118 times in your life

George- how do you start, then?

Dream- … shut up. Dont pull this loophole on me

George- its just a question!

Wilbur- George and I were so late, we’re lucky my dad owns the place

Wilbur- I’ll add that my back hurts like a bitch

Schlatt- Don’t fat shame me

Wilbur- I didn’t say a single thing about your weight!

Wilbur- How would you feel to have a 6 foot tall man sleeping on your back all night?

Schlatt- Number one, I’m 6’1

Schlatt- Number two, I would enjoy it very much

Wilbur- You’re so weird

Schlatt- We still on for tonight?

Wilbur- Duh, we just have to make sure Minx and Niki are still coming

Tommy- That was such a strange interaction 

Skeppy- tommy i didnt know you know the word interaction 

Tommy- Fuck you

Tubbo- oops

Tubbo- tommy you realize you’re supposed to be in detention right now, right?

Tommy- … 

Tommy- Gtg

Bad- I hardly slept last night :((

Dream- if it makes you feel better, the only one who got a proper sleep was probably sap

Karl- he’s concussed so it’s valid

George- it’s not valid when he snores for 3 hours straight

Sapnap- hey, hey george

George- ???

Sapnap- fuck you

George- rude

Sapnap- youre rude

George- youre more rude 

Sapnap- youre a bitch

George- says the bitch

Quackity- calm down girls, youre both pretty

George- shut up quackity

George- wilbur can you get the sugar from the backroom?

Wilbur- Sure!!

George- id like to mention cafe boy came in today and i was hardly flustered

Wilbur- Don’t lie

Dream- I find that hard to believe, George

George- shut up

Wilbur- George could you get the sugar actually? A customer just came in and I wanna try out my latte art

George- nerd

George- i’ll get it

Karl- (Image.JPEG)

Karl- do i get him

Sapnap- do it do it do it do it

Fundy- Oh my God.

Fundy- Please get him.

Fundy- Does he have a name?

Karl- Foxtrot!!

Fundy- If you don’t buy him I will.

Quackity- god my day is so brightened by a singular picture of karl jacobs with a puppy

Karl- i lub him already

Sapnap- GET! HIM!

Karl- i think i will

Sapnap- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

George- wilbur

George- wilbur why are you screaming

George- wilbur did you spill coffee again

Wilbur- I BURNT MY FUCKING DICK


	20. Fundy- Dysphoria is a bitch, y’know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur- Quackity you dumbass
> 
> Wilbur- He’s fucking trans 
> 
> Quackity- OH
> 
> Quackity- SORRY IM DUMB I THOUGHT DYSPHORIA WAS A PERSON FOR A SECOND

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- the most awkward thing just happened

Karl- i dont think theres ever been anything more awkward for me

Fundy- Awkward for you?!

Fundy- I’m fucking shellshocked right now.

Sapnap- … what happened?

Karl- okay listen

Karl- fundy number one am i allowed to say this?

Fundy- Go for it.

Karl- okay so

Karl- i started having a mental breakdown in the middle of class, right?

Quackity- as one does

George- felt that so hard

Karl- so i go to the bathroom to cry

Quackity- as you should

Karl- and i walk in already crying, okay?

Dream- okay…?

Karl- and honking fundys in there

Karl- and hes honking crying

Karl- and we’re both crying

Karl- just staring at each other

Karl- and then both started crying harder

Quackity- why the hell was fundy crying

Fundy- No big reason or anything.

Fundy- Just was feeling a little bad about myself today.

Fundy- Dysphoria is a bitch, y’know?

Quackity- dysphoria?

Fundy- Y’know, gender dysphoria?

Wilbur- Quackity you dumbass

Wilbur- He’s fucking trans 

Quackity- OH

Quackity- SORRY IM DUMB I THOUGHT DYSPHORIA WAS A PERSON FOR A SECOND

Fundy- That’s fine, I never like, properly talked about it.

Fundy- Yeah, I’m trans.

Tommy- Poggers dude

_(Private Chat)_

Tommy- See, nothing to be scared of

Tubbo- yea :)

Tubbo- fundys rlly brave 

Tommy- So are you big man

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Wilbur- Fundy you are still my furry son no matter what

Fundy- Thanks I think.

Tubbo- im rlly happy you told us fundy!

Fundy- Yeah :).

Schlatt- Cool beans

Fundy- Why would you say that?

Schlatt- I’m white, you idiot

Schlatt- Of course I’m going to respond with cool beans

Fundy- Touché.

Quackity- really glad you felt comfortable enough to tell us, funds

Fundy- You guys are like.

Fundy- My friends or whatever.

Sapnap- stop that or ill start crying

Sapnap- you’re awesome, funds, like, super fucking awesome

Sapnap- im happy you told us :))

Dream- Super proud of you, fundy :)

Fundy- Thanks, guys.

Karl- we already talked about it in the bathroom during our sob sesh, but you know I’m always here to rant to <3

Fundy- I know. Thank you Karl.

Fundy- You helped a lot.

Karl- im glad <3

Bad- You’ll always be the same Fundy! Remember, gender and sexuality doesn’t define who you are as a person. You’re perfect. <3

Fundy- I.

Fundy- Thank you, Bad.

Fundy- I needed to hear that.

George- bruh nothing you are will ever change your treasure planet obsessed ass 

George- you’re fundy

George- you’re the only you in the world

George- yknow?

Fundy- I think I get what you’re saying…?

George- im trying rlly hard to be supportive but i am like passing out

Fundy- Get some sleep, George.

George- oh thank god

Skeppy- thanks for telling us, Fundy

Skeppy- im glad you trust us enough to tell us about this

Fundy- Yeah yeah, whatever.

Fundy- Don’t get bigheaded or anything but like.

Fundy- You guys are really good friends.

Quackity- crying bye

Fundy- Oh.

_(Private Chat)_

Schlatt- Hey, Fundy

Fundy- Hi…?

Schlatt- What’s with the question mark

Fundy- I’m just a bit confused, I’ve never talked with you in private chat.

Schlatt- Oh, yeah

Schlatt- Anyway

Schlatt- Remember that night you slept on my roof?

Fundy- Damn, that was a while ago.

Fundy- Yeah I do, why?

Schlatt- You don’t have to answer but like

Schlatt- Do you have a place to stay?

Fundy- … 

Fundy- When did you get all soft and therapeutic or whatever?

Schlatt- Never call me that

Schlatt- I’m just wondering

Fundy- My dad kicked me out around eight months ago.

Schlatt- What have you been doing since then?

Fundy- Eret usually let’s me crash on his couch but sometimes I want to get out of his hair.

Schlatt- Ah

Schlatt- You doing okay?

Fundy- Pretty good actually, I’ve been working at some computer place to try and get money to get my own apartment.

Schlatt- … is it Best Buy?

Fundy- Sadly.

Schlatt- I am so sorry.

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Dream- i know this is off topic but

Dream- i just sold my adderall because i didnt have cash on me and really wanted a burrito from chipotle 

George- i did not just have this fucking message of all things wake me up

George- you had your adderall on you but not your wallet?

Dream- i was tired this morning and mixed it up with my wallet when i left the house

George- HOW DO YOU MIX UP A PILL BOTTLE WITH-

Dream- im a surprising man, george

George- NO SHIT

Sapnap- dream this is why you use apple pay dumbass

Dream- suck my cock

Sapnap- only with socks on

Dream- bet

Karl- going dark

Fundy- I take it all back.

Fundy- I hate you all.

Quackity- except me <3

Fundy- I hate you the most.

Quackity- what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fundy centric chapter because we love our trans furry <3


	21. George- she had the audacity to SPIT ON ME

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy- Imagine getting rejected
> 
> Tommy- I could never
> 
> Wilbur- (Youwmygorlfwiend.MPEG)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's 9+10-

_Minecraft Gay-mers_

George- okay listen

George- not to sound gay

George- but i want to sit on bill haders face

Sapnap- you’re literally gay

George- shut up

Karl- george, i feel you

Karl- id really rather just cuddle and watch a tv show and fall in love like a 100k word slowburn fanfiction 

Karl- but his face does seem nice enough to sit on

George- thank you, karl, at least someone gets me

Dream- george its too early for this shit

George- okay and

George- i do not care how you feel

Dream- ouch

George- listening to skinny legend anthem and knowing its about me smh

Dream- what the fuck is going on with you today

Wilbur- He got a ten dollar tip and won’t stop acting like he’s rich or whatever

George- in need of sugar daddies in my area 

Dream- i

Wilbur- He also drank about 17 espresso shots

George- im going to crash so hard in an hour

Dream- jesus christ i did not expect a chaotic george day

George- this is what happens when you’re gay and havent had a dude in your dms for months

_(Private Chat)_

Schlatt- Hey ;)

George- no

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Sapnap- we get it george ur horny

George- i am not

George- i just have not experienced anything close to love in years

Dream- i can change that

George- ew

Tommy- Imagine getting rejected

Tommy- I could never

Wilbur- (Youwmygorlfwiend.MPEG)

Tommy- WILBUR

Tubbo- AHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHA

Tommy- DON’T LAUGH, TUBBO

Sapnap- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AHAHHAHAHAHA

Quackity- YOUW MY GOWLFWIEND

Tommy- STOP IT!

Bad- Tommy, did you know that girl?

Tommy- … 

Tubbo- HE DIDNT

Tommy- SHUT UP TUBBO

Karl- that is now my favourite video

Dream- techno has a private snap story that has everyone except tommy in it and he just posts embarrassing videos and pictures of tommy

Tommy- He WHAT

Dream- oops

Wilbur- Tommy he’s just fucking around, Techno doesn’t have one of those

Dream- yeah lmaooo im just fucking with you

_(Private Chat)_

Wilbur- Never try that again, we don’t need him knowing about that

Dream- IM SORRY

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Quackity- this dude named matt sat beside me in class and explained all of the lore of fnaf and i dont know how to feel

Quackity- he didnt even get to finish explaining, thats how much there is

Quackity- i need to know more

Dream- i know that guy

Dream- one time he explained all of dont hug me im scared to me and i havent been the same since

Tubbo- i metioned i play minecraft to him and he went off on a huge tangent about the story line

Tubbo- it was very cool

George- i can do that but only harry potter

Karl- same

George- wait hogwarts houses go

George- im ravenclaw btw

Karl- hufflepuff!

Sapnap- gryffindor

Dream- I’m a slytherin 

Bad- Hufflepuff :D

Tommy- Gryffindor bitch

Bad- Language!

Schlatt- Slytherin

Quackity- I’m gryffindor im pretty sure

Quackity- i’ll need to take that quiz again soon

Skeppy- I’m surprisingly a ravenclaw

Tubbo- Imma hufflepuff!

Wilbur- Ravenclaw :)

Fundy- … 

Quackity- tell us

Fundy- … 

Fundy- I’m a Hufflepuff.

George- AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Quackity- i did not expect that but i am not disappointed 

Fundy- The quiz is probably broken. I’m obviously meant to be a Slytherin.

Karl- whats wrong with being a hufflepuff D:

Fundy- Nothing at all, just too soft for me.

Sapnap- hufflepuff fundy lives rent free in my head

Fundy- Shut up.

Karl- My bi awakening was literally daniel radcliffe in harry potter

Karl- i watched half blood prince and thought ‘god is emma watson attractive as hermione’

Karl- and then I thought ‘but daniel radcliffe is so hot’

Sapnap- 10/10 gay awakening 

George- my gay awakening happened while i was on a date with a girl

Quackity- PLS-

Dream- what the fuck happened that made you realize you’re gay

George- okay listen

George- at the end of the date i was already uncomfortable, right?

George- and when i was walking her home

George- she told me that she really liked me and wanted to see me again

George- and then

George- she had the audacity to SPIT ON ME

Skeppy- WHAT FKMKWMFWEJK

George- SHE SPAT ON ME

George- AND THEN FUCKING RAN OFF SAYING IT WAS AFFECTION 

Schlatt- Oh my god

Schlatt- Was her name Minx?

George- YOU KNOW HER?!

Schlatt- She cried for a week after because she thought she ‘turned you gay’

George- she did in a way

George- i remember the only thing i could thing was ‘yep, no, definitely into dudes’

Dream- i live by that

Karl- what if she gave you an std

Tommy- What the fuck is an STD

George- I-

Tommy- George what is an STD

George- … a super technological device

Tommy- Oh, pog

Tubbo- i have loads of stds!

Quackity- LMAO

Quackity- SAME TUBBO SAME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short lil filler chapter :))


	22. Bad- WHAT IS A ‘SKEPHALO’?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eret- what the fuck
> 
> Eret- funds im this close to getting dicked down what the fuck is this
> 
> Schlatt- Wow
> 
> Schlatt- I like this guy
> 
> Schlatt- It’s nice to meet you, Eret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit it's my birthday and i'm spending it writing gay minecraft fanfiction

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tommy- Hey George

Tommy- Just found out what an STD really is 

Tommy- Fuck you

Tubbo- wait what is it

Tommy- You do not need to know, Tubbo

George- what, is it not a super technological device?

Tommy- Shut your god damn mouth

Quackity- either way i have all the stds

Fundy- Quackity.

Fundy- That is so fucking gross.

Quackity- ;)

Fundy- Stop that right now.

Quackity- ;(

Wilbur- George is like, passing out on the counter

George- niioooooo

Wilbur- George I swear to god if you make me do this shift alone

Wilbur- Oh god

Wilbur- George look up

Wilbur- George

George- let me sleeeeep

Wilbur- Oh my god

Wilbur- He’s going to be so embarrassed 

Sapnap- wtf happened

Wilbur- You’ll see soon

Quackity- huh

Tommy- He deserves whatever happens 

Tommy- He lied to me

Tommy- The bitch

Tubbo- im still confused

George- FUCKING SHTIRJ

George- WILBUR WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME

Wilbur- I TRIED!!

Skeppy- what happened this time

George- FUCKING CAFE BOY FEFJJKENFJKEMK

George- HE WAS JUST WATCHING ME SLEEP

Wilbur- HE WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO TAKE HIS ORDER!

George- IM DONE

George- IM SO DONE

George- JUST END ME ALREADY WHY DO I EMBARRASS MYSELF LIKE THIS

Dream- george youre fine lmaooo

Dream- he probably thought it was cute

George- NO

Dream- youll be fine, from what youve said it sounds like he likes you enough

Bad- Yeah!

George- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FINE

George- ILL TRY TALKING TO HIM

Karl- YES GEORGE POP OFF

_(Private Chat)_

Skeppy- so, when you gonna tell george you’re his cafe boy?

Dream- when you gonna tell bad you’re practically in love with him?

Skeppy- low blow

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- god how i long for the slowburn of a cafe boy

Sapnap- i am

Sapnap- RIGHT HERE

Sapnap- JUST START WORKING AT A CAFE AND ILL BE YOUR CAFE BOY

Karl- but we’re already engaged and know each other :((

Sapnap- WHY ARENT YOU LETTING ME FLIRT WITH YOU KARL

Karl- ur right

Karl- i apologize

Karl- kisses?

Sapnap- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Schlatt- Why are you two so happy

Schlatt- Like, listen, people in relationships shouldn’t be this happy

Quackity- schlatt shut your mouth, number one they aren’t even official yet they’re just dumb, and number two you watched desperate housewives all night

Fundy- Without me?

Schlatt- Wait Fundy I’m sorry

Fundy- I’m gonna go cry, guys, see you later.

Quackity- ill watch desperate housewives with you

Schlatt- You hate Desperate Housewives

Quackity- forgive me for trying to have what karl and sapnap have

Sapnap- you will NEVER have what we have

Karl- hubby mad

Sapnap- hop on our vc karl :)

Karl- :0 HUBBY HAPPY

Sapnap- hubby cute

Karl- hubby might get kissed if he doesn’t stop this

Tommy- Hubby will throw up.

Tommy- I am hubby in my situation.

Tubbo- tommmyyyy, they’re cute together! stop that!

Tommy- I will not

Tommy- I am just trying to eat my sandwich and they are FLERTING in front of my sandwich

Wilbur- For once I relate to the child

Wilbur- I just have to sit here while George tries to talk to Cafe Boy

Bad- I wonder what Cafe Boy’s name is 0-0

Quackity- yeah but listen

Quackity- fuck you

Bad- LANGUAGE!

Skeppy- quackity i will beat you

Bad- 0-0

Quackity- me perdonas

Dream- miss me with that russian shit

George- I absolutely HATE YOU

Dream- i love you too george

George- SHUT UPPPP

Tubbo- wilbur were on the way to the hospital :(( meet us there

Wilbur- What the fuck happened

Tubbo- i was playing with a bee and it stang tommy

Tubbo- the idiot forgot hes allerjic

Wilbur- Jesus fucking christ

Tommy- I’m fucking livid

Tubbo- ur puffy

Tommy- Shut your God damn mouth

Tommy- Techno STABBED ME

Tubbo- he used ur epi-pen on u

Tommy- HE STABBED ME

Wilbur- Stop being dramatic

Tommy- I’ve never been dramatic in my entire life

Wilbur- That’s the funniest shit I’ve ever heard

Tommy- FUCK YOU

Sapnap- karl :(

Karl- sappy :(

Sapnap- i want chick-fil-a

George- get chick-fil-a

Sapnap- shut up george im trying to convince karl to hangout

Karl- you could have just asked me to hangout

Sapnap- shh

Karl- are we meeting at chick-fil-a?

Sapnap- uber eats exists

Sapnap- we can use dreams netflix

Dream- i hate you

Sapnap- shut up you’re literally not even home

Dream- true

Bad- I hate Skeppy’s friends

Skeppy- you dont

Bad- I don’t

Bad- But what is a ‘Skephalo’

Quackity- wait more skephalo-ers

Quackity- I’ve found my people

Bad- WHAT IS A ‘SKEPHALO’?!

Skeppy- dont worry about it bad

Skeppy- minecraft?

Bad- I’ll log on! Teamspeak? :) <3

Skeppy- of course <3

Schlatt- Ew what the fuck

Fundy- Why the fuck is Eret so tall.

Fundy- Like, he has the audacity to be the tallest bitch in the world, and then wears five inch heels along with that.

Fundy- I just think it’s kinda rude.

George- ikr

Wilbur- You say that cause you’re 5’7

George- shuttup

Dream- are you close with eret, fundy?

Fundy- I mean, yeah, I’ve been crashing on his couch for a while.

Fundy- He’s definitely one of my best friends.

Dream- feel free to add him if you’d like :)

Fundy- Oh.

Fundy- Thanks.

_(Fundy has added Eret)_

Eret- what the fuck

Eret- funds im this close to getting dicked down what the fuck is this

Schlatt- Wow

Schlatt- I like this guy

Schlatt- It’s nice to meet you, Eret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so so much for all the support <3 I wish I could respond to every single comment, but I want you all to know I've read every one, and they all make my day.  
> I hit 50k today <3 it means a lot, guys.


	23. Dream- sighing audibly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream- karl i left my airpods at your house last night
> 
> Karl- i’ll give them to you after my classes
> 
> Tommy- Imagine going to class
> 
> Wilbur- Are you skipping again?
> 
> Tommy- … I forgot that you’re here

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- the fact that nobody is telling me i’m valid right now is alarming

Sapnap- youre valid and I love you

Karl- <3 

Sapnap- <3

Schlatt- Am I the only one confused where these two stand relationship wise?

Dream- we all are

Sapnap- what’s wrong with flirting with the homies?

Karl- yeah

Karl- the homies

Sapnap- see, karl gets it

Dream- mhm

_(Private Chat)_

Dream- i am so sorry

Karl- :(

Dream- he seriously does like you dude

Karl- no, he’s just “flirting with the homies”

Dream- bro

Dream- i

Dream- HE IS INTO YOU KARL JACOBS

Karl- dont get my hopes up dreamie :((

Dream- sighing audibly

Dream- what do you want from chipotle

Karl- ur getting me chipotle :0

Dream- you’re obviously sad

Dream- so yes

Dream- yes i am

Karl- country boy i love youuuu

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- when dream gets you chipotle

Dream- bro now i have to get everyone chipotle 

Dream- its like in middle school when you give one friend gum and suddenly everyone needs your gum

Sapnap- can i have chipotle

Dream- NO

Sapnap- going dark

George- pussy

Sapnap- what the fuck george

George- dre can i have chipotle?

Dream- sure, just pm me your order and address

Sapnap- WHAT THE FUCK DREAM

Wilbur- Simp

Dream- i gotta

George- No <3

Dream- i hate everything

Karl- sapnap what if i honk around and cuddle dream

Sapnap- cuddling with the homies is awesome

Karl- yea ig

Sapnap- do you not like it when we cuddle?

Karl- i didn’t say that

Sapnap- okok

Sapnap- do you still love me?

Karl- of course I do, nimrod

_(Private Chat)_

Karl- I hate him 

Karl- I absolutely hate him

Dream- calm down

Karl- he keeps calling me his homie like he wasnt trying to get with me

Karl- he’s the one who started this thing

Karl- he’s the one that made me catch feels by constantly holding my hand and cuddling me

Karl- and then he just calls me his homie

Dream- bruh

Dream- youre so fucking oblivious i cant

Karl- i just want to get over him and be able to enjoy the things he says as his friend

Dream- karl, suppressing your feelings really isn’t going to help

Karl- its the best chance i got

Dream- i swear to fucking-

Dream- I’m dropping george off his chipotle and then ill be there to comfort you, okay?

Karl- why couldnt i catch feels for someone like you

Dream- ikr, like how didnt you?

Karl- nevermind

Dream- smh

Dream- also maybe like, try talking to other people?

Dream- try to see if you could like someone else

Karl- … 

Karl- there’s this guy in my film history class who’s nice, he sits beside me

Karl- his names james

Dream- i

Dream- karl james is literally a carbon copy of sapnap

Karl- but listen

Karl- if i cant have sapnap whats wrong with taking his doppleganger 

Dream- you’re impossible 

Karl- I’m a man in like

Dream- who has ever referred to it as in like

Karl- me

Karl- now bring me chipotle

Dream- yeah yeah your majesty 

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Eret- i’m gonna greet everyone officially now

Wilbur- You act like everyone doesn’t know who you are

Eret- god i’m so popular

Eret- im kidding 

Eret- i dont know why everyone knows who i am

Dream- its like how everyone knows corpse

Eret- god his voice is hot

Fundy- I know, right.

Quackity- hwat the fuck

Fundy- What?

Quackity- ive just never seen you express attraction towards anything

Fundy- I literally have called you attractive.

Quackity- for chugging tequila 

Fundy- Touche

Eret- gay subtext

Eret- I like it here already 

Sapnap- a lot of gay subtext

Sapnap- isnt that right karl ;))

Karl- of course

Karl- with the homies of course

Sapnap- of course

_(Private Chat)_

Sapnap- bb you okay?

Karl- im fine just a little weird today 

Sapnap- need to talk about it? I can come over 

Sapnap- we can cuddle and watch high school musical

Karl- its fine, dreams already over 

Sapnap- oh

Sapnap- okay lol

Karl- sorry 

Sapnap- it’s fine lmao

Sapnap- i just miss you or whatever 

Karl- miss you too

Karl- i gtg, dream needs help with something

Sapnap- got it

Sapnap- love you

Karl- lyt

_(Private Chat)_

Sapnap- does karl hate me

Dream- you’re an absolute idiot.

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- another day begins

Dream- karl i left my airpods at your house last night

Karl- i’ll give them to you after my classes

Tommy- Imagine going to class

Wilbur- Are you skipping again?

Tommy- … I forgot that you’re here

Wilbur- Tubbo?

Tubbo- … 

Tubbo- OKAY TOMMY AND I DITCHE D CLASS TO GO TO THE SHELTERAND LOOK AT PUPPIES

Wilbur- I

Wilbur- I’m not even upset

Wilbur- Go have fun with the puppies

Tubbo- YESS THANK U WILBUR

Skeppy- how does one nice to sibling 

Schlatt- That was anything but English

Bad- Do you have siblings, Geppy?

Skeppy- I have a sister

Bad- Oh! That’s really cool, I didn’t know that 

Skeppy- ill introduce you to her one day

Bad- Really? :D

Skeppy- duh

Schlatt- I hate this why are there so many confusing relationships here

Dream- we’re the gay-mers for a reason

Karl- speaking of gay-mers

Sapnap- everyone shut up karl is speaking

Karl- I have a date!

Sapnap- what

Dream- what

Quackity- oh, poggers, dude

Quackity- is it that candle girl you thought was cute?

Karl- shut up q

Karl- it’s this guy named james from my film history class

Karl- he asked me out :))

George- oooh, what are you guys doing?

Karl- probably just gonna chill and watch movies at my place, it’s on friday

Sapnap- cool

_(Private Chat)_

Dream- you’re so fucking stupid

Karl- you told me to get over him

Dream- i didnt mean by going on a date with a discount version of him

Karl- a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do

Dream- why is everyone in this fucking groupchat so oblivious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops


	24. Quackity- blocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap- wait
> 
> Sapnap- holy shit
> 
> Sapnap- I LIKE KARL
> 
> Quackity- congratulations, you’re the last one to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys the karlnap stuff is for plot juice i promise they are endgame

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Schlatt- Who the fuck shit my pants

Wilbur- What does that even mean

Schlatt- You know what it means

Wilbur- I literally do not

George- schlatt i am this close to shoving your own dick down your throat 

Schlatt- Kinky

Schlatt- What’s going on with the twink?

George- IS WEAR TO FUCKING GOF

Dream- I killed him while we were speed running 

Karl- :0 gasp first date arc?

George- no i was bored

Dream- it was definitely a first date

George- im going to chop your dick off 

Skeppy- george sure is making a lot of dick threats today

Skeppy- bad is going to have an aneurysm when he logs on

Tubbo- what is an anurysm

Tommy- It’s like an organism 

Tubbo- thanks tommy!

Wilbur- That is not at all what it is

Quackity- speaking of aneurysms 

Quackity- i just filled my tub with milk 

Eret- what does that have to do with aneurysms?

Quackity- idk

Quackity- it just seemed relevant 

Fundy- That was anything but relevant. 

Quackity- youre just jealous you dont have a milk tub

Karl- you’re disgusting <3

Quackity- youre so sweet <3

Sapnap- KARL

Karl- hi sap

Sapnap- do you wanna hangout tonight?

Karl- cant, m sorry

Sapnap- … 

Sapnap- are you hanging out with james?

Karl- what the honk

Karl- i have an essay due tomorrow that I havent started yet??

Karl- james and I havent even hung out away from class yet, sap

Sapnap- so basically youre going on a date with a guy you dont even know

Karl- why are you getting so salty 

Sapnap- nevermind 

Karl- okay???

Quackity- the tea is scalding 

Sapnap- shut up quackity 

Dream- shut up quackity 

George- shut up quackity 

Skeppy- shut up quackity

Schlatt- Shut up Quackity

Quackity- guys please

Tubbo- shut up quackity 

Wilbur- Shut up Quackity

Tommy- Shut up quackity 

Eret- shut up quackity

Karl- shut up quackity

Fundy- Shut up, Quackity 

Bad- … 

Bad- I can’t do it.

Quackity- at least one person loves me

Quackity- skeppy, i’m taking your mans

Bad- Shut up, Quackity.

Quackity- WHAT THE FUCKFOTGROEMGRJ

Bad- LANGUAGE!

George- GUYS PLEASE

_(Private Chat)_

Sapnap- quackity

Quackity- are you here to apologize for making a chain of people telling me to shut up

Sapnap- fuck no

Quackity- blocked 

Sapnap- guys please

Quackity- WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

Sapnap- OKOK IM SORRY

Sapnap- i do not enjoy the thought of karl going on a date

Quackity- no shit sherlock 

Quackity- youre literally in love with him

Sapnap- what

Quackity- are you fucking kidding me

Sapnap- huh

Quackity- yknow karl jacobs?

Sapnap- ??? yes

Quackity- YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM.

Sapnap- wait

Sapnap- holy shit

Sapnap- I LIKE KARL

Quackity- congratulations, you’re the last one to know

Sapnap- i feel so dumb

Quackity- thats because you are dumb

Sapnap- wtf do i do

Quackity- tell?? him??

Sapnap- he has a date on friday, you idiot

Sapnap- i cant just tell him

Quackity- youre so fucking

Quackity- do a grand confession to him or something

Sapnap- like?

Quackity- idk

Quackity- whats the last movie you guys watched together

Sapnap- im pretty sure it was Say Anything

Sapnap- WAIT

Sapnap- HOLY SHIT I KNOW WHAT TO DO

Sapnap- THANKS Q

Quackity- i have no idea what the fuck say anything is but good luck ig

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Sapnap- spitter or swallower

Fundy- Swallower, but sometimes it gets stuck in your throat and it’s just disgusting.

George- i did not need to know this about you

George- sapnap i hate you

Sapnap- i’d kiss you in three seconds 

George- do i need to make another dick threat

Sapnap- wait no i need that

Dream- i mean technically you dont

Dream- you can still pee after castration 

Dream- plus its not like you fuck anybody #sapnapdoesntgetlaid

Sapnap- thats just a personal attack

Dream- thats what happens when you eat my trail mix

Fundy- I long to one day taste trail mix.

Schlatt- Maybe try, y’know, eating it?

Fundy- I’m allergic to nuts.

Quackity- funny because you just said youre a swallower

Fundy- I’m blocking you.

Eret- i eat peanut butter cups in spite of him

Fundy- You know what?

Eret- fundy

Eret- FUNDY WHAT ARE YOUF ERJFKRMFJ

Eret- FUCK RKMREKJMFJKERM

Bad- Language!

Skeppy- what the fuck happened 

Bad- Language, Geppy!

Eret- FUNDY AND I WERE IN THE KITCHEN 

Tommy- What a great explanation 

Wilbur- He’s literally typing 

Wilbur- Leave him alone

Eret- AND THEN HE LOOKS ME DIRECTLY IN THE EYE AND SAYS ‘Fuck it’ BEFORE FUCKING EATING A WHOLE ASS PEANUT BUTTER CUP AND STABBING HIMSELF WITH HIS EPI PEN

Tubbo- i-

George- i hate it here

Bad-… 

Bad- I’ll get the car.

Dream- ah, hospital trips, the best part of the day

_(Private Chat)_

Karl- sap 

Sapnap- hey cutie

Karl- shut it

Karl- sorry i was acting pissy earlier, i was stressed over my essay

Karl- we can vc and screenshare high school musical 2 around 7 if you’d like

Sapnap- are you asking me out on a virtual date?

Karl- no

Karl- are you down or not?

Sapnap- ofc

Sapnap- miss you karl jacobs <3

Karl- miss you sapnap

_(Private Chat)_

Sapnap- he’s distancing himself from me i think

Quackity- i would help but im omw to the hospital with schlatt

Quackity- hes oddly concerned over fundy but i wouldnt be able to tell you why

Sapnap- im pretty sure he adopted him at some point or something 

Quackity- fundy has two dads now, kinda swag

Sapnap- ever say swag to me again and i will take away your kneecap privileges 

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Fundy- Worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a new twitter account y'all should follow me @_depressed_anon


	25. Schlatt- Of course I have a fuckin’ boombox.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A part of him says he shouldn’t do it, that he should let Karl be with whoever he wants, and that they can continue on as friends.
> 
> A bigger part of him says YOLO, so, y’know. Fuck it.

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

George- i’ve decided i want cafe boy to make love to me

Quackity- wtf happened this time

Karl- he probably breathed and sent george into a frenzy

Quackity- LMAOOOO 

George- no >:(

George- there was a dude that came in and was using a bunch of slurs 

George- he called me the f-slur and my co worker ponk the n word

George- and then cafe boy beat him up

Wilbur- Holy shit wait

Wilbur- I wish I had a shift today I would have loved to watch that

George- it was so cool

George- it was like a scene from some fanfiction i stg

George- i think he is my knight in shining armour 

Dream- wow

Dream- he kinda popped off

George- HE DID

George- ponk was so shocked 

George- you should have seen his face, like, ponk was three seconds away from punching the dude and then a handsome man does it for him 

Dream- is he okay?

George- yeah, he’s all good

Dream- and you?

George- please, my homophobic aunt has called me worse 

Wilbur- The dude is lucky Sam wasn’t there

Wilbur- Like, Sam is a sweetheart but I think he’d commit actual murder if he saw that happen to his ‘Ponkie’

Bad- Sam is very protective of his friends

Wilbur- You know him?

Bad- Mhm!

Dream- i know him too lmao

Eret- oh no

Eret- is sam the new me

Sapnap- yeah but taller

Eret- bullshit

Bad- Language, Eret!

Sapnap- its true!

Sapnap- he’s like, 6’7!

Eret- no fucking way

Bad- ERET

Eret- SORRY

Sapnap- he’s tall af

Tubbo- ranboo is 6’6!

Tommy- Imagine being shorter than Ranboo by an entire foot

Tubbo- that is just plaid rude

George- why tf is everyone in this town either incredibly tall or incredibly short

Schlatt- As a tall person, shut up.

Wilbur- You’re tall but like, the short of the talls

Schlatt- I have no idea what that even means.

Sapnap- karl, whens james going over?

Karl- around 7!

Sapnap- mkay 

Sapnap- is he spending the night?

Karl- maybe but if he is we wouldnt sleep on the same bed

Dream- thats my boy

Dream- stay pure

Karl- i have had a cock in my mouth before

Skeppy- THERE ARE CHILDREN HEREEEEE

_(Private Chat)_

Sapnap- hey

Schlatt- Hello?

Sapnap- i was wondering if you have a boombox

Schlatt- What the fuck.

Schlatt- Why would you even ask me that?

Schlatt- Of course I have a fuckin’ boombox.

_(Private Chat)_

Sapnap- I’m taking your car tonight

Dream- go wild

Dream- just dont have sex in it

Sapnap- no promises

_____________________________________

Sapnap’s unsure if this is the smartest thing he’s ever done, or the dumbest.

He likes to think he’s smart. He _knows_ he’s smart. He’s a Comtech major. He knows how to code, he can pull apart a computer and put it back together.

Sapnap knows how smart he is.

Sadly, he also knows how fucking stupid he is at the same time.

He grew up being phenomenal at one thing, yet horrible at the next. He knows what he’s good at, and he also knows what he absolutely sucks at.

Yet, as he’s sitting in Dream’s worn out 2007 Sebring convertible (Respectably named Janice, for some reason), he’s unsure whether what he’s doing is genius, or stupid beyond belief.

A part of him says he shouldn’t do it, that he should let Karl be with whoever he wants, and that they can continue on as friends.

A bigger part of him says YOLO, so, y’know. Fuck it.

His momma didn’t raise no pussy. He’s ready to gain this grain.

That doesn’t make it any less nerve wracking. 

Sapnap gets out of the car in one swift movement, grabbing the boombox from the passenger’s seat. Schlatt didn’t lie about having one, he actually had several at the door once Sap had shown up. Way too many, Sapnap realizes. 

There’s a reason Schlatt’s in crippling debt.

He walks through Karl’s untrimmed lawn, standing outside his bedroom window. He probably looks like some weirdo stalker, now that he thinks about it. 

The light is on, which is a good enough sign that Karl’s in there. With James.

He shakes his head. If this doesn’t work, then what will?

With a heavy inhale, he clicks the boombox on (which he had been practicing for almost an hour), holding it up over his head with two hands and a devil’s grip.

The sound of Breaking Free from High School Musical fills his ears, and for some reason, he’s smiling. 

Yeah, he’s totally got this.

_____________________________________

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Karl- Sapnap is an absolute nimrod 

Sapnap- an absolute nimrod you just kissed

Wilbur- … 

Quackity- FUCKING FINALLY M GJKTRKGRKEJM

Dream- THANK FUCKING JESUS IF I HAD TO GO THROUGH ONE MORE DAY OF YOU TWO PINING

George- ??? 

Skeppy- karl arent u on a date

Karl- i was

Karl- until sapnap crashed it

Sapnap- im not the one who jumped out of a window just for a kiss

Karl- yeah i think my ankle is broken

Bad- I’m happy for you two!!

Karl- thanks :))

Schlatt- So it’s finally official?

Sapnap- wait

Sapnap- fuck one second

Quackity- ?

Karl- oh my god

Karl- he just asked me to be his boyfriend with a ring pop proposal 

Quackity- i stg if you don’t take him i will

Karl- no back off he’s mine now

Sapnap- wait i have a date planned shit

Dream- simp

Karl- … 

Karl- im going to marry him

Karl- the date is slushies from 7/11 and the high school musical soundtrack 

George- gross

George- why has nobody done that for me

Dream- hey george

George- no

Dream- what the fuck

Quackity- not to stray off topic but where has fundy been all day

Fundy- Why the fuck are epi-pens so expensive?

Quackity- there it is

_(Private Chat)_

Karl- i think i kinda you know :) <3 

__

__

Sapnap- i think i kinda you know <3 

_(Private Chat)_

Karl- your turn loverboy

Dream- huh

Karl- or should i say

Karl- cafe boy

Dream- HOW THE FUCK REMKFRJKMFWKK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and i oop-


	26. Tommy- HE TURNED YOU INTO A POTATO?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo- Have any of you seen tubbo 
> 
> Tommy- I thought he was in class with you 
> 
> Drista- did somebody hurt tubbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen I love them okay

_(Private Chat)_

Ranboo- Hey, you’re not in class. Did Tommy make you skip again?

Ranboo- Toby don’t you dare make me worry it’s been 30 minutes since i texted you and I have to present the science project in five

Ranboo- Update, project went well, I told the teacher you were sick. I saw you this morning so where the heck are you

Ranboo- I swear to god

Ranboo- TOBY I’M WORRIED NOW OKAY YOU USUALLY TEXT BACK IN .3 SECONDS

Ranboo- God damn it i have to go to them now dont i

Ranboo- Respond or i am going to them 

Ranboo- … 

Ranboo- You asked for it

_(Size Ten Nike Shoes)_

Ranboo- Have any of you seen tubbo 

Tommy- I thought he was in class with you 

Drista- did somebody hurt tubbo 

Ranboo- I don’t know he never showed up to class and he hasn’t been answering my texts 

Drista- i stfg i will commit a murder

Purpled- drista you cant just walk out of class like that the ms. balogh is fuming 

Drista- smoke grass skate fast 

Purpled- i

Purpled- valid im omw

Tommy- His snap maps aren’t updated, it says he was at school three hours ago 

Drista- im about to manhunt this bee bitch 

Drista- said with love <3 

Drista- purpled, get the speaker. we’re blasting sign of the times while we do this 

Purpled- i just want to go to class

Tommy- Nerd

Drista- nerd

Ranboo- Nerd

Purpled- I hate it here

Ranboo- GO FIND TUBBO

Tommy- YEA

Purpled- OKAYOKAY

_(Private Chat)_

Tommy- Tubbo I swear to god I will pummel you

Tommy- Answer my calls

Tommy- Don’t you dare make me say it because I will say it

Tommy- Tubbo I don’t want to say it

Tommy- OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

Tommy- I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU OKAY IS THAT WHAT YOU NEEDED TO HEAR

Tommy- TUBBO

Tommy- You are dead to me

Tommy- Are you okay?

Tommy- Oh god I think Ranboo is going to have a panic attack 

Tommy- Drist just threw a rock at a squirrel 

Tommy- Tubbo I think Purpled is going to kill us

Tommy- TUBBOOOOOOOOOO

_(Private Chat)_

Drista- listen to me little man

Drista- i dont care how many people i have to kill to find you

Drista- i would die for you

Drista- respond and you’ll prevent a murder

Drista- purpled is going first

Drista- i will put a real pig head on him and burn him at the stake if you don’t respond soon

Drista- god damn it you know i would kill tommy first, i should have said that

Drista- shit

Drista- WHERE ARE YOU AND HOW MANY PEOPLE DO I HAVE TO THREATEN BEFORE I FIND YOU

Drista- ILL CALL MY BROTHER 

Drista- no i wont call him i can do this 

Drista- breaking into your room rn, hope you dont mind 

_(Size Ten Nike Shoes)_

Ranboo- Drista where did you find a Dobermann

Drista- stole it from the police station 

Drista- they track scents dont they

Purpled- the dogs that track scents are German Shepherds you idiot 

Drista- OH WELL IM SORRY I DONT KNOW WHAT DOG TRACKS SCENTS, GRAYSON

Purpled- DO NOT CALL ME THAT

Tommy- Girls, girls, calm down, you’re both ugly 

Tommy- Drista, go sneak the dog back to the police 

Drista- what the fuck tommy youre the one whos supposed to support my dog stealing

Tommy- Let me finish bitch

Tommy- Go sneak the dog back and steal a German Shepherd

Drista- …

Drista- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

_(Private Chat)_

Purpled- tubbo, buddy, im gonna need you to answer the calls

Purpled- drista tried to hotwire a car while tommy stole takis 

Purpled- ranboo is trying his hardest to find you so props to him

Purpled- same with me

Purpled- we need you back, man

Purpled- we cant have an equal amount of sane people and insane ones in this group 

Purpled- being balanced is ew that’s why youre the semisane semipsycho one 

Purpled- youre the glue bro

Purpled- ew when did i get sappy

Purpled- answer soon, okay?

_(Size Ten Nike Shoes)_

Tommy- Do I have to text the gay-mers

Ranboo- Please we need more help

Ranboo- If Tubbo is dead I’m killing everyone here and then myself 

Drista- we dont need help

Drista- we can do this

Purpled- drist youre one of my best friends but you dont need to prove anything to your brother, y’know?

Drista- fuck you

Drista- we dont need his help, i love him but we can do this

Drista- how’re we going to deal with college next year if we cant find a singular child

Ranboo- Please tell me that is not what college is like

Tommy- It is

Drista- can confirm i broke onto campus once and got pelted with paintballs 

Purpled- your brother is taking a gap year why would you break onto campus 

Drista- the adrenaline 

Ranboo- I fear you

Ranboo- Did anyone catch any sight of our boy?

Drista- oh my god we all collectively adopted tubbo 

Purpled- you didnt know that?

Drista- well shit, purpled, i didnt get any forms to sign, sorry

Ranboo- STOP FIGHTING

Ranboo- Has anyone seen him yet?

Tommy- No, not yet

Tommy- Group meet up at Chipotle? We can plan on from there

Purpled- omw

Drista- you just drove past me let me in the car you idiot

Purpled- no way you have blood on you

Drista- dont worry, its not mine

Drista- PURPLED YOU BITCH WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING 

Drista- … 

Drista- someone pick me up please 

Tommy- I just jumped on the back of a truck 

Drista- youre a genius 

Tommy- i know i am

Ranboo- GUYS, FOCUS.

Tommy- … 

Drista- sorry dad

_(Private Chat)_

Ranboo- Toby I will cry 

Ranboo- That is a threat

Ranboo- If you come back I’ll let you see my left hand 

Ranboo- God damn it

_(Size Ten Nike Shoes)_

Tubbo- i think i jst got child labored

Tubbo- why was the chat blwimg up so much

Tubbo- my body hurts

Drista- YOU GOT BIRTHED?!

Purpled- that is not at all what child labour means 

Tubbo- techno kidnappe d me in the middle of second period and made me potato 

Tommy- HE TURNED YOU INTO A POTATO?!

Tubbo- NO

Tubbo- he made me farm

Tommy- Oh

Tommy- Wtf Techno

Ranboo- OH THANK GOD YOU’RE ALIVE

Ranboo- I’VE HAD FIVE MENTAL BREAKDOWNS

Tubbo- RANBOOB MY BELOVED 

Ranboo- Never call me that again

Ranboo- We were all so worried

Tommy- I was not worried

Tubbo- you texted me saying you were worried

Tommy- That’s just a plain lie, Tubbo. You come back and immediately start lying.

Tubbo- WHA

Tommy- … 

Tommy- Missed ya’, buddy

Tubbo- clingy bitch

Tommy- HOW DARE YOU-

Tubbo- anyway, did you guys grab me anything from chipotle?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give love to Jaden for guessing who this was centric on :)) <3


	27. Sapnap- ill default dance on your grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl- Happy birthday sap :) <3
> 
> Sapnap- You too baby <3 
> 
> Sapnap- wait shit
> 
> Karl- lmao loser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont want to seem stuck up or like a party pooper or anything but if you are writing a fic based off of this one, please give credit to me! :) You could mark it as a related fic to mine even- it would just mean a lot, i don't mind people writing fics based or inspired by mine at all, it's very sweet, I would just like it if you mark it as related :))) thank you and I love you all so so much!!

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Sapnap- so, do yall know what today is?

George- idc

Sapnap- okay so ignoring george

Karl- i know what day it is!!

Sapnap- youre valid and i love you

Karl- <3 

Sapnap- <3

Karl- kisses you

Dream- if you guys start roleplaying again i will shoot quackity 

Quackity- WTF DID I DO

Dream- idk just

Dream- sounds fun

Quackity- gonna go cry 

Karl- GUYS WISH SAP HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU IDIOTS

Dream- i made him pancakes already fuck no

Sapnap- wow dream you are the best roommate ever 

Dream- shut up you live here rent free

George- happy birthday sapnap

Sapnap- THANK YOU GEORGE, AT LEAST SOMEBODY CARES

George- no i dont care

George- but somebody had to say it

Sapnap- i hate it here

Karl- wait

Sapnap- ?

Karl- youre handsome :)

Sapnap- … 

Sapnap- I LOVE YOU

Fundy- I can’t tell if I hate them more or less now that they’re actually dating.

Schlatt- I just hate them at peak level no matter what

Fundy- … 

Fundy- I really look up to you, Schlatt.

Schlatt- As you should

Sapnap- Karl and I are PERFECT together and if you cant handle that hit the road jack

Karl- when he pops off in your honour <3

Sapnap- Im going to kiss you

Karl- do it

Dream- i hate it here

George- same

Skeppy- same

Skeppy- what are we doing today

Bad- We should go to Dream and Sap’s to celebrate his birthday :D

Sapnap- guysss you dont have to

Sapnap- jk you have to 

Sapnap- bring pizza

Tommy- But what if I just do not

Sapnap- ill find a way to get back at you one day

Sapnap- ill default dance on your grave 

Tommy- That’s assuming I’ll die

Sapnap- what does that mean

Tommy- Wilbur, what are you up to?

Sapnap- TOMMY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Wilbur- I’ll probably stop by for a bit

Tubbo- i wanna come!

Wilbur- Of course, Tubbo

Tubbo- :DDD

Tubbo- Happy birthday sap! <3 :D 

Sapnap- thank you tubbo you are amazing

Tubbo- i know i am you dont have to tell me :D

Sapnap- oh :D

George- i guess ill come but only for the pizza

Sapnap- youre a rat <3

Karl- I’m already omw!

Sapnap- youre perfect <3

Schlatt- Ew

Schlatt- How to disown what is not legally yours

Karl- dad no

Schlatt- What

Wilbur- DADSCHLATT DADSCHLATT DADSCHLATT

Skeppy- wait are wilbur and schlatt the parents of the group 

Schlatt- No

Wilbur- YES

Wilbur- Honey, what do you want from Wendys?

Schlatt- Just kill me right now

Wilbur- I’ll just surprise you <3

Schlatt- I have never hated life more

Bad- Sapnap, dm me everything you want from dominos!

Sapnap- BAD I LOVE YOU

Tubbo- skeppy wtf

Tommy- Is he okay

Wilbur- SKEPPY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Bad- WHAT HAPPENED?

Tommy- Skeppy why the fuck are you on the highway covered in feathers 

Skeppy- i was walking to saps and there was a goose eating a pizza pocket

Skeppy- i had to step in

Tubbo- that answers nothing

Skeppy- yes

Tubbo- oh

Sapnap- do i get alcohol

Dream- you’re still underage 

Sapnap- repeating the question 

Sapnap- do i get alcohol 

Quackity- nah you have pot for a reason

Sapnap- touche lets fucking blaze it

George- dream please dont tell me youre wearing that mask again

Dream- its already on my face, gorgeous

George- ew

Karl- its almost as if he knows someone will recognize him without the mask

Skeppy- ikr

_(Private Chat)_

Skeppy- we got em?

Karl- we got em.

_(Minecraft Gay-mers)_

Tubbo- sap am i allowed to bring a friend?

Sapnap- ofc

Sapnap- add them to the chat

Tubbo- thank you sap!

_(Tubbo has added Ranboo)_

Ranboo- what is

Ranboo- wait

Ranboo- is this

Ranboo- AM I PART OF THE GAY-MERS NOW

Dream- welcome! 

Ranboo- LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tommy- Don’t get so excited it smells in this chatroom 

Schlatt- It’s probably me

Quackity- it’s definitely him

Eret- Hello everyone, I just slept for 27 hours

Eret- I hate my life

George- god you are such a mood

Eret- yeah but im tall

George- nevermind perish 

Eret- Sap ill be there in 30

Eret- happy birthday buddy

Sapnap- THANK YOU ERET ILY

Eret- everyone does

Ranboo- oh god its somebody’s birthday

Ranboo- what do i do

Ranboo- toby help

Tubbo- me you and tommy can pick out a gift together!!

Ranboo- oh thank god

Ranboo- happy birthday sapnap :) i dont know you but i still hope you have an amazing birthday

Sapnap- thanks ranboo :)

Tommy- Ranboo

Ranboo- yes tommy

Tommy- I hate you

Ranboo- yes, thank you for the reminder

Karl- quackity what the honk

Quackity- what

Karl- why are you walking through the taco bell drive thru 

Quackity- jesus, karl

Quackity- kindly hop off my dick

Karl- fine, id rather be on sapnap’s anyway

Sapnap- i just dabbed out loud

Dream- how the fuck do you dab out loud

Sapnap- wait

Sapnap- shit

Karl- thats my boyfriend everyone 

Karl- aren’t i the luckiest

Sapnap- you are

Karl- I know i am <3

Schlatt- Disgusting

Wilbur- Why can’t we still be like that, Schlatt? Just the way we were when we were young?

Schlatt- Shut the fuck up Wilbur

Wilbur- God I love my husband

Tubbo- ranboo! Schlatt is my dad

Ranboo- pardon

Tubbo- he signed the adoption papers :D

Ranboo- oh

Ranboo- pog

Schlatt- If I ever find out you or ANYONE hurt my son, a homicide will happen

Ranboo- ill take that into account, sir

Tommy- You don’t have to be formal and shit

Tommy- The dude has a wii addiction and is neighbours with fuckin’ Quackity

Quackity- what the fuck is that supposed to mean

Tommy- Exactly what it says

Tubbo- sap, do you like pandas?

Sapnap- yes

Tubbo- (Image.JPEG)

Tubbo- this panda big

Tommy- You’re just short as shit

Tubbo- it’s bigger than me! And i am not short

Sapnap- oh my god

Sapnap- did you buy it

Tubbo- happy birthday sap!

Sapnap- i have never been one for stuffed animals but,,, panda

Sapnap- I can cuddle her

Karl- oh so its a her, huh?

Sapnap- baby wait

Karl- have fun with your new bitch ig smh /j

Sapnap- I can change baby i swear

Karl- its over

Sapnap- no its not

Karl- you’re right it’s not

Bad- Sapnap, I just picked up the food, I’m omw :D

Sapnap- youre so valid

_(Private Chat)_

Karl- Happy birthday sap :) <3

Sapnap- You too baby <3 

Sapnap- wait shit

Karl- lmao loser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys please follow me on twitter please guys guys please i need followers im going to say my @ again its @_depressed_anon guys please


End file.
